I do feel such a kinship to all of you who have gone through this and are going through this. What you just said - outonalimb- about the killing you with kindness. My AH is like that usually saying all those things you said, I love you 20 x's a day and what a great mother I am etc.... He says all those things but then in the same conversation he can turn to hating me and wanting a divorce bcs he can do soooo much better and this will never work, blah, blah, blah. So yes it is confusing. Which of his personalities do I believe? He is just awful at arguing. If he doesn't like something I say or do then its over and we need to get a divorce and things need to change and I need to take the blame blah blah. How do you argue with someone that throws out "just leave me then" "I Don't need you" "you're the reason I'm on drugs" "I can get a hottest girl and she'll want me all the time" "I'll get clean for someone else" etc... if I cry it's like it makes it worse. I cannot even believe some of the things he has said to me in anger! Then an hour later (after I'm practically hyperventalating (sp?) bcs I cannot believe this stranger in my house..... its "I'm sorry I love you, I can't live without you, you are everything to me, I don't know why I say those things" AHHHHH!!! Its very frustrating.