My exah was never verbally abusive. No....he took a much different approach. He would try to kill me with kindness. He would tell me he loved me twenty times a day, rave about what a wonderful mother I am, how beautiful I am, how smart I am. and on and on and on...cater to my every need. He would treat me like a queen and then go behind my back and do whatever he wanted to do anyway. I think this is why it took me such a long time to realize that things could never go back to the way they were. My exah has a side to him that I've never seen but I know exists. Very hard to understand...so hard to figure out for the longest time.
Now my exah tries to fall over me when he sees me but the truth is...the words "I love you" are nothing more than pure, unadultered manipulation on his part. And even if they aren't...they feel like manipulation so what good does it do?
It really doesn't matter, in the long run, what tactic they use...
whether they are verbally abusive on one end of the spectrum...or overly kind and attentive on the other...I had to realize that I deserved more...I deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is my equal...my partner. I don't need to babysit my partner. I need someone I can count on and lean on. How can you rely on an addict...even if they have managed to string some clean time together? I know some people work a program and are able to earn the trust of those around them back in time...and I mean a whole lot of time...and 13 days is really nothing in the grand scheme of things. Its not enough to erase all the years of pain, lies and misery. I don't know how long it would take but in my case, I don't think there's enough time in the world.
You don't have to bury your feelings and tolerate his behavior just because he's managed to get clean for 13 days. He's not the only one thats been damaged by his drug use...you have too...Its hard sometimes, to acknowledge how damaged we really are because all of the focus has been on THEM. Try to keep it on you...on your needs...your desires...Forget about what he is or isn't doing at the moment and focus on what YOU need to feel better about yourself and your life.
I know its not easy...isn't it great to have a place like SR where people really get it?