I wish you could talk to my mom. She really needs a friend who understands her position at the moment... if only someone could convince her to let them teach her how to let go like that, we could be a family again. Not a complete family, as my sister may or may not be gone for good, but at least my parents and I could begin to heal. This cycle she has taken me through seems to have no end. I am to the point where I find myself feeling a need to either let go of all of them for now or give in and drown with them. I don't want to do either. But as long as she's in denial and readily and hastily rescuing my sister from her consequences, the friction will continue to build. Either I will keep my frustrations bottled up and snap, or I will tell them how I feel and be ostricized for not playing in to their need for misery.
I know I sound harsh, but I'm so tired of being the only one if this family who is not enabling her habits. Even while she's in rehab, my parents are helping her to break rules, such as rules about how much money she has at a time (supposedly for vending machines since she doesn't like the center's food). This makes me nervous, because they say they're ready to be more firm, but they're still bailing her out, just like they did when she was in jail... just like they did when she stole and pawned their belongings... just like they did when she altered checks that were made out to her therapist so she could cash them herself. Oh, and also, just like they did when she got high at my bachelorette party and showed up at my wedding (as my maid of honor) with freshly made track marks.
People on here have told me to cut them some slack, and I try. Please believe I try. But it's so gosh darn hard. I just want to be a family again, and tonight I feel like I'm grieving the loss of three of the four most important people in my life.