Originally Posted by
splendra 
I guess it is just the codie in me. i feel real bad when people ask for help and don't take it. I was there too. I am so surrounded by addicts with my family and my H and letting go of them has been so hard so I know how hard it is.
When people come here write about someone being violent and addicted and how they are helping the violent one instead of themselves I just want to pull my hair out.
There must be a better way of getting these people to see than what is available. They should not be allowed to visit someone in jail who has hurt them and they need some kind of counseling that helps them see to leave them. The system is just as much a part of the problem as the people involved. The trauma bond needs to be broken for these people when they do not have the kind of support that will help them.
When someone files a RO or calls the cops and has someone locked up I think there ought to be mandatory intensive outreach for the person filing the complaint.
Boy, did I have those thoughts, too. Often. Still do, sometimes.
What I know today is that how it works for me is I hear MY story, MY situation and MY faults coming out of the mouths of others. Once I identify with them, I start to listen for how it worked for them, and I see similarities to how it can work for me.
"You spot it, you got it"
That is a shortcut way to say the same thing. Sometimes the stuff I "spot" is good stuff... and it is good to remember that part, too.
Look for the similarities and
Hang with the winners
All of those are program ideas that help me understand that I can learn from others. And how many of us arrived in Alanon sure that we could look around and learn from others? I know I didn't. I arrived wondering how exactly I was doing it wrong, and what exactly was the "trick" others used to get their loved ones sober... I was sure it was just a matter of learning a new "thing".
In a way, it was. I had to learn to let go. I had to learn to step back. I had to learn to surrender.
That sort of emotional learning takes time. And (ok, this is the last slogan) as we all know...
Time takes time. 
(((Splendra))))