Oh Sarah! I know EXACTLY how you feel!
My AH is very much the same way and I just can't bring myself to be intimate with him. I, too, can't let go of the past traumatic events and be able to give him the intimacy he so wants with me. I know it will take time, but I am unsure how long that will be and is it fair to either of us to keep trying to keep the relationship when we can't have any intimacy.
I don't have any answers for you, but I do have understanding. I wonder if I will ever be able to be intimate with him again. And it's not him right now - it's all me, but how do I make him understand that. It's so hard when they want answers that we just don't have to give.
Please hang in there and know that there are others out there going thru the same thing you are. Let's keep talking and maybe we can get thru this together.
Take care and many hugs!!!
Kitkat