i read about a Pink Elephant feeling when a person quits drinking.
what i remember is, after the 1st week or two of sobriety, the abstainer
becomes emotionally and physically euphoric. i had that.
but now, i'm on day 21, and i'm not feeling so euphoric anymore.
i'm getting small cravings, and some emotional distress.
i was thinking that, for all those years, i didn't have to deal with thinking
about problems. Usually, i had to act to solve the problem. but it never bothered
me. part of that is my personality, and part of that was the alcohol-anastesia.
Now, i don't have a drug to change the mood.
Or, probably more correctly, i don't have liquid-forgetfulness time to look forward to.
Before, if things started to bother me, i'd start thinking about how i'll deal with it when i'm drinking. but when i started drinking, the problem wasn't viewed as much as a problem anymore.
but then, of course, the next day, the problem was still there, and i was more irritable about it.
anyway, i'm creating all kinds of nonsensical theories, cuz i don't want to stop typing, cuz i'm in a crave-rave right now.
my lawn mower starts, but won't keep running. so i came down to google up an answer. but the answer was 'rebuild the carbuerator'. and dam, that don't sound like anything i want to deal with now. so i'm running from my problems, like i've trained myself to do.
but, this time, i'll drink tea and watch tv.
but what i'll really be doing is watching my mind & emotions, trying to understand how that whole machinery works.