I am not proud of those days. I was young and really really stupid.
You would never think I was ever like that to be around me now. If I get really really mad and start going off..I go into ghetto mode..but that is very rare.
I act like I have some sense for the most part now and dont act and talk ignorant like I use to.
Thats what you call growing up I guess.
I am going to have a real hard time when my grams dies. I often think to myself that when she does die that I am just gonna go on self destruct and i have a plot next to hers and one day after she is gone...I am going to just go and lay on her grave and die. Then they can just roll me right into mine.
Thats really stupid...but I think that sometimes.
Ever since me and her both got out of the hospital.I have taken every chance to show her I love ehr. I am not as short with her and kind attitude like I use to sometimes.
I do what I can for her. and I just layed on her lap the other day for a few minutes for the first time since I was little. And sometimes even go and give her the biggest hug ..just because.
That is not my nature usually. I amnot an affectionate person. But that last relapse and the whole suicide and her bleedin in the hospital too. Man what a wake up.
I am cherishing every second with her now.