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Old 06-20-2007, 11:34 AM
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Thumbs up Share: Fears...

....I have been mugged three times...I've had recurring nightmares for years..First time, 14, was pretty simple, at the door of a club, just a hand on my throat, and there's even a funny part, which is the fact i couldn't get my wallet out, while this guy is screaming, because jeans have that effect on you...lol..sticky...lol..Second time wasn't too bad, either, the dude didn't want the phone, only money, he offered to punch my face because i said no....lol....he even asked me where i lived so he could return the money...Rotflmao...this is true..lol..of course i said i was from a neighborhood in the other side of town.i'm sure what he wanted was to keep stealing some doe....3d time was tough.. i mean, i was such a fool...i see these dudes waiting for me on the end of this bridge, and right away the usual talk starts....as a 16 year old i fell for the talk and i borrowed my phone....i don't know for how long, but it was long..... these guys spoke with everybody they knew and everytime they said they'd give me my phone back..lol...so stupid...funny part, the guys say, cmon sit down, we don't want people to think you are being robbed right, and i had this moment of courage, so typical of me, in the tough time, and i said, completely honest with a robber,i looked in his eyes, and i said: and you're not robbing me? ..after waiting a lot and looking at my window from the road where i was, i said: you're not gonna give it back, are you?...got the answer, and i walked, walked, never looking back, and then i ran.....for years i had the same repeated dreams where my gut was stabbed, but i said to the stabber, i am going to see God now,you're not motherf***,lol...

My bro had a much harder case, 5 dudes took his car out of him...he tried to close the doors, but they parked behind him and while he locked the car form inside, they got in the backseat...he was left lying on the road watching as they drove his car away....he had to testify in front of them many times..let's say justice here sucks completely...and what irritates me is that politics are creating ghettos and nothing is done to prevent these situations...because they ride in limos....in another lifetime i would be a real political activist..

Through the years i realized i could have dealt with things differently..i realized my fears are because of other things, they are manifestations of other issues, i think this is all related to the lack of support from my Dad, he never told me he would be there to defend me....i never had anybody to defend me, but mom, what i needed was a father figure, you know..........but it has been hard..I have managed to put a lot of it behind..i mean last year, i had a case where i managed to get it together and be safe...the dude on the bus stop made conversation...told me to give my sh**t so i didn't get on big troubles...the truth was that in that moment my bus came...and i remember saying, sorry that's my bus..talk about God's help...he said, that's mine too..lol...i entered the bus and started imagining a run away plan, but God helped me, the dude had no money to get in, so all i heard, was the worst name calling i've heard in a long time...Lol....

wanna laugh:::?...i have a friend that was gonna be robbed so he went to the robber and chatted with him, well they became friends and i was introduced to the guy, and we all went bolling every lunchtime in school...lol...that was way back then..i remember one time, a guy he robbed called him to ask for his stuff back, and his answer was, never call me again or i'll kill you...lol


ps.people never understand what is to be assaulted...it is not about the money but about the hate in some people's eyes....
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:47 AM
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Kari,
Sorry you've been through all that- but you survived and I'm thankful for that. I've had a few traumatic experiences myself and it does get better with time.
I just had a thought...a suggestion for you: have you ever taken a self defense class? I bet if you did it would make you feel more empowered and certainly able to take care of yourself if anybody messes with you again. jmho
At the very least you will impress the ladies, but you prolly don't need help with that.
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Old 06-20-2007, 11:52 AM
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actually i have been initiated on some martial arts things the last few months, haven't taken classes, but bought a lot of books on tai chi, kung fu, because i follow the chinese philosophy...

i just need to practice more to build my self love and self protection...

but i have to say my muscles are much bigger...lol..i have a friend who says i have big arms now, and that i'll get many more girls..let's see..lol..a lot more flirts are happening these days..rotflmfao

p.s..it's so funny cuz my nickname for him is gangsta....lol
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Old 06-20-2007, 12:31 PM
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I have never been robbed but have had someone try it. But that was back when i thought i was gangsta and you were gonna have to kill me to take anything from me.

I just got out of work and my BF at the time just flew in from Florida. We went to the projects to try and pick up. I said I wanted 30..He goes reaching in the front of his pants and pulls out a gun. Telling me to give him the money. Stupid A$$ me all thuggin out tell him hes a crazy N*** He aint gettin $hit. So he busts me in the mouth with the gun and starts shooting.
My Bf was driving and he is pulling away as a this dude is shooting at us. I am freakin out because i got blood running all over the place and i Just spit my 2 front teeth out in my hand. He was like are you hit. I was like no r u.. He said no.. We went to the nearest pay phone ..then i feel this burning in my thigh. I look and theres a hole in my leg. I start freakin more now.
The ambulance came and I had 2 holes. An entrance and an exit wond..plus 2 teeth knocked completely out right from the gum line and a huge hole in my lip from the teeth going through it. Thank god the shot was a clean one. No bones or arteries were hit. The teeth hurt worse than the gunshot.
But you know what is sad... It didnt phase me a bit. You would think that would scrae anyone to get it together ..But not me. I'm too bad ass for that. Yea ok. I have plenty a guns pointed at me and challenged everyone of them to go ahead. Because my ego made me think I was all that.I was gonna go out like a true thug.
How stupid. I have grown well past that phase.
What scares me now is my grams dieing..living life without her. Her not seeing me be a person without addiction before she dies.
Thats what scares me.
Oh and palmetto bugs..bugs in general...ghosts ..the dark..and heights scare me too.
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Old 06-20-2007, 12:44 PM
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wow, what a story...u were quite gangsta there...yeah..i am not sure about the bugs, tough, the only thing i really don't like is ticks, because they get in your skin...lol


i told my grandfather who turned 85 monday, and my mom too, that i am gonna keep living when the day comes, because that's what i think they would want me to do..i choose to love them as much as i can while they're here...i made a pact with my mom, if anyone dies, we keep living because that's what the person that died would want..we decided to love people on earth and remember them with joy when they're gone..i just found out that it's what is fair, it doesn't mean it won't hurt tons, but i decided that life is too short and that i need to love them now..not after...you know..and when time comes i want to have a healthy relation with death..we are all fallible...i love them very much, but i know that time in earth is quick and i can't cry anymore..you know..i just feel like that..i think it's the right thing to do...

stay strong
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Old 06-20-2007, 12:59 PM
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I am not proud of those days. I was young and really really stupid.
You would never think I was ever like that to be around me now. If I get really really mad and start going off..I go into ghetto mode..but that is very rare.
I act like I have some sense for the most part now and dont act and talk ignorant like I use to.
Thats what you call growing up I guess.

I am going to have a real hard time when my grams dies. I often think to myself that when she does die that I am just gonna go on self destruct and i have a plot next to hers and one day after she is gone...I am going to just go and lay on her grave and die. Then they can just roll me right into mine.
Thats really stupid...but I think that sometimes.
Ever since me and her both got out of the hospital.I have taken every chance to show her I love ehr. I am not as short with her and kind attitude like I use to sometimes.
I do what I can for her. and I just layed on her lap the other day for a few minutes for the first time since I was little. And sometimes even go and give her the biggest hug ..just because.
That is not my nature usually. I amnot an affectionate person. But that last relapse and the whole suicide and her bleedin in the hospital too. Man what a wake up.
I am cherishing every second with her now.
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Old 06-20-2007, 01:06 PM
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you had the audacity to learn from your mistakes..and that's all a life could ask from a soul...!

thanks
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Old 06-20-2007, 02:56 PM
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Sorry about that karim,

I got mug once..a couple of dude bunm rushed
us. One of the guys had a knife to my throat.
They went through all of our belongings..
took $20 out of my wallet. didn't take
my car keys..quick and fast..
idiots,the money was in my sock i was wearing.

luckie i was wacked out of my mind in a sense.
it didn't trumatize me too much. it was a very
violent and crazy stage at the end of my using.
The streets wasn't pretty. i could had easily killed a couple
of people and be sitting behind bars today.
By the grace of god there go I...
I think I used up 8 out of my 9 lives..being a slick
hip and cool. Yep..young, and invisible.
Technically i shold have died so many times.

I'm glad i don't have to live like that anymore.
No..i might not get everything I want today
and life isn't totally rosies..
but man....it's like a totally different world
and a far cried from that crazy old life.
Wanting to get high..but it's the stuff the comes
with the territory..I never lack the willing or willpower
to put myself in harms way..that was insanity.
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:01 PM
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I was robbed at gun point once, I swear, you hear on TV that the only thing you see is the gun, well it is true. If you asked me what they looked like, I could only say long and silver with a very big hole in the end. Funny thing is, all I though when it was happening was "Oh great, this is how I am going to die" After they left and I was still alive, then I started shaking!!
The other time I was not so lucky, (I was still using hard core when both happened, living in the streets of Detroit) I was attacked with a knife, luckily it was only cuts on my arm, I got 28 stitches. Today, I look at the scars and am grateful it wasn't my neck or face. I got beaten black and blue from head to toe at least three times...GAWD, I am so glad to be sober!!! That was a very dark time for me...I wasn't very nice either!!

Cathy
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:20 PM
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You just reminded me of something. I cant believe this wasnt the first thing I said.
I was almost killed by a guy I was gonna get money from a long time ago. A trucker parked outside a motel we use to hang at.
I got in his truck in the back cab. He jumped on me and had me flipped upside down on my head with all my body weight on top of me cutting off air to breathe. I couldnt move ..breathe..nothing.
All I remember going through my head was my grams getting a call that my body was found in a dumpster or something. And I was like OMG..You hear about this **** on tv but this is happening to me.
I started to black out and somehow I got a breath and got out from under him and on the floor close to the front cab and he was trying to pull me back in the back. I kicked the divider open and like the whole world was looking in. He stopped gave me my phone..money..and pushed me out.
I followed him and dialed 911 but when they answered I hung up...What was I gonna say? A trick just tried to kill me.
Sorry for being so specific.
I know this guy has done that before.
Funny thing..I saw a couple years later how a truck driver was killing girls in various southern states. One being NC where I was when it happened. And all surrounding states.
His license plate was tenn. One girl survived and described this guy to a T.
All of it sounded just like what happened to me.
MAkes me wonder if it could have been him.
That scared me and it takes alot to get me shook. I would have died that night if I hadnt got that divider open. I just know it.
Thank God.
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Old 06-20-2007, 06:31 PM
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God has a plan for all of us.....oh yes...i shouldn't be afraid..as long as i am supposed to be here on earth, i will be...
thanks for sharing
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Old 06-20-2007, 07:44 PM
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If we let our fears hold us hostage, they win...today....I am the winner. I am not going to let the past, present or future make me a prisoner!!!
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