Alive

....I have been mugged three times...I've had recurring nightmares for years..First time, 14, was pretty simple, at the door of a club, just a hand on my throat, and there's even a funny part, which is the fact i couldn't get my wallet out, while this guy is screaming, because jeans have that effect on you...lol..sticky...lol..Second time wasn't too bad, either, the dude didn't want the phone, only money, he offered to punch my face because i said no....lol....he even asked me where i lived so he could return the money...Rotflmao...this is true..lol..of course i said i was from a neighborhood in the other side of town.i'm sure what he wanted was to keep stealing some doe....3d time was tough.. i mean, i was such a fool...i see these dudes waiting for me on the end of this bridge, and right away the usual talk starts....as a 16 year old i fell for the talk and i borrowed my phone....i don't know for how long, but it was long..... these guys spoke with everybody they knew and everytime they said they'd give me my phone back..lol...so stupid...funny part, the guys say, cmon sit down, we don't want people to think you are being robbed right, and i had this moment of courage, so typical of me, in the tough time, and i said, completely honest with a robber,i looked in his eyes, and i said: and you're not robbing me? ..after waiting a lot and looking at my window from the road where i was, i said: you're not gonna give it back, are you?...got the answer, and i walked, walked, never looking back, and then i ran.....for years i had the same repeated dreams where my gut was stabbed, but i said to the stabber, i am going to see God now,you're not motherf***,lol...

My bro had a much harder case, 5 dudes took his car out of him...he tried to close the doors, but they parked behind him and while he locked the car form inside, they got in the backseat...he was left lying on the road watching as they drove his car away....he had to testify in front of them many times..let's say justice here sucks completely...and what irritates me is that politics are creating ghettos and nothing is done to prevent these situations...because they ride in limos....in another lifetime i would be a real political activist..

Through the years i realized i could have dealt with things differently..i realized my fears are because of other things, they are manifestations of other issues, i think this is all related to the lack of support from my Dad, he never told me he would be there to defend me....i never had anybody to defend me, but mom, what i needed was a father figure, you know..........but it has been hard..I have managed to put a lot of it behind..i mean last year, i had a case where i managed to get it together and be safe...the dude on the bus stop made conversation...told me to give my sh**t so i didn't get on big troubles...the truth was that in that moment my bus came...and i remember saying, sorry that's my bus..talk about God's help...he said, that's mine too..lol...i entered the bus and started imagining a run away plan, but God helped me, the dude had no money to get in, so all i heard, was the worst name calling i've heard in a long time...Lol....

wanna laugh:::?...i have a friend that was gonna be robbed so he went to the robber and chatted with him, well they became friends and i was introduced to the guy, and we all went bolling every lunchtime in school...lol...that was way back then..i remember one time, a guy he robbed called him to ask for his stuff back, and his answer was, never call me again or i'll kill you...lol


ps.people never understand what is to be assaulted...it is not about the money but about the hate in some people's eyes....