Thanks everyone. It's really a hard decision to make and I find I'm a little anxious about it now that's it's in progress. He is sorta working on his problem - goes to one or two AA meetings a week (but gets nothing from them), is back to seeing his therapist, goes to see that specialist tomorrow. So it isn't like he's ignoring the problem, it's just... I don't know. It's so hard not to be sucked into the insanity (the rollercoaster of ups and downs), as of course he's really good at making me feel guilty at leaving him during his 'troubled time' when he's so obviously (or not so much) trying to fix things and make them better. This specialist is a new step, but how do I know it's going to be different than any other 'step' he's taken?
Argh! This is the toughest thing I've ever had to deal with as it's all over the place. He only drinks one day of the weekend, he's not abusive, he just passes out, he's battling depression (on meds that have helped). BUT, on the same hand, he drinks once a week, he's not committed full-time to getting help, he's slowly killing himself (his liver is already irritated; it's only a matter of time). He's a good guy when he's not drinking. I just don't want to deal with the issue anymore and that makes me feel selfish and guilty, because I'm not as worried about him as I am about myself.
I'm also feeling guilty for leaving while he's at work but it's the easiest way - again, for me. I feel bad that it's all about me but in reality, it's been all about him up until now, hasn't it? He's not really hurting me, he's hurting himself, but I just don't want to watch it (even while he works on recovery) and I don't want my daughter exposed to it. Why does that sound so horrible all of a sudden? Help me!
Thanks for listening to me try to work this out. It's SO crazy it's hard to rationalize everything. I AM leaving, I WILL stay away, but I'm going to have to visit here daily for a dose of sanity.