drainedwife

i dont think my MIL Is trying to lay a guilt trip on me but she is telling me how my ah is suffering and she cant stand to see him like this...and how depressed he is...she is afraid he will do something drastic.
she thinks i should give him another chance and let him come home...he has learned his lesson and if he does anything bad, then he'll have to leave and not come home. and what will i have to enforce that if i drop the ro and the divorce??? is there a legal document that can be drawn up that he has to do these things andif not, its over??
well, its easy for her to say, she doesnt have to live with him...but what about her grandchildren...is it fair to them to have their father come home without any couseling or sobriety time???
i cant help but feel bad..and a little pressured....my ah has low self esteem--my MIL says he has always been like that since he was in high school and he suffers from social anxiety. also, i feel that he has tried to "keep up with his brothers" in terms of how much money they make, and he just couldnt do it, so that made him feel worse about himself....he is very successful, but he just cant see it... his dad taught him that success is how much money you have..,at least thats how he interpreted it. And he says he cant shake that. But everyone has problems and issues, he chose to deal with them through drugs...why is it that i have to be the martyr and save him..why do i have to keep giving him chances...and I AM GIVING HIM ANOTHER CHANCE___he just has to have some counseling and sobriety before he can come home....its that simple..havent i been through enough??? what about me??
possible affair, drug use, lies, manipulation, emotional, verbal and physical abuse....
and i should let him come home because he has been humbled now..he has learned his lesson, he has low self esteem so its not his fault????? believe me,. i do feel bad for him, my heart aches for him and i only want him to get better, but if he comes home, what will give him the motivation he needs to want to do this for himself..he hasnt even admitted he has a problem!! he has denied the physical abuse even happened!!
what am i supposed to do..his family should be telling him to be a man and do what he has to do to make things right..and to leave me alone for a while.
he has no where to go? she says.... he wont live with his parents, that is HIS choice, and we have a vacant rental house we are trying to sell, but he hasnt gone there yet because he doesnt want to have to buy furniture for it....well, just get a bed and he can have the extra couches that we have here....
why am i solving all of his problems,, why do i have to worry about him AND me??
i dont think this is fair..the right people are not communicating to him what needs to be done...my MIL is not getting it across to him...my sister isnt either..i have one friend who will, but she is on the RO.. when i have her name taken off than she will be very direct with him, because he just isnt getting that he has to do this on his own and before he moves back in.....if that is even possible.
i still have no peace--even with an RO.
he is not a bad person,...i just think the drugs have really changed him....