Originally Posted by
gasolinegirl 
Orangeblossom, well, for one thing, something that you should be doing is taking care of you and your children. As for your ah, I know the sorrow that comes with wanting to make it all better, but he needs to take the reins and do something about his addiction, it's not your job. My ah in the beginning kept asking me to help him, he wanted help, but didn't want to do the work. It took me kicking him out and then him going to detox and then to rehab. He's been clean and sober for almost a year and 1/2. It saved our marriage and his life. He's a totally diffrent person now than what he was. It's been my experience that addicts are lazy. You can love him and try to help him find a place, but he needs to be the one to make the phone call, and follow though. Don't let him push everything on you, he has to do it. Take care of yourself and your kids, they are the most important, they need you. Remember: You can lead a horse to water, but you make him drink. Keep your head up!
That all makes sense to me in my head, and in fact, I told him much the same thing. It's just a little easier said than done. Part of what I'm trying to figure out is what I should be doing for myself to make myself stronger, so I'll be less likely to give in or to do everything for him. Do everything myself seems to be my first instinct, but I know this isn't like doing the dishes... me doing it all for him is not going to help either. So how do I get past that? How do I just stand back and watch? And what are the limits? I mean, he's got to make the call, OK, but is it ok for me to look up some numbers? Or find out ways that we might be able to deal with this financially? Or does he have to do all that by himself too?
I'm scared to death of what will happen to me and my kids if I do have to kick him out, and I've told him that I will do it, if he doesn't get some help. So I need to come up with some sort of plan for me and the kids to survive, because I may have to follow through on that. I know that I have to follow through this time. I just don't know how yet.
I know I'm not going to get all my answers at once, I know there are plenty of things I'll have to figure out for myself. I'm venting here. For the last 24 hours, all I've had are questions and fears. It's like I've been sleeping for years, and I suddenly woke up in a totally new place. And now I have to figure out what to do to survive there, and how to get to wherever it was I was headed before I fell asleep. Does that make any sense?