thanks again to everyone
thank you!! i have spoken to 2 DV counselors on the phone and i am going to call tomorrow and make an appt to go see one...
my ah wasnt abusive before the drugs, but i know they are 2 seperate issues and the drugs has brought out what was already there..he has ALOT of issues to deal with.
My lawyer on wednesday will put things on the table for him...if he wants to get help as it will be the only chance to save our marriage, then he will do it. If not, then we will get divorced. its that simple...while he is getting help we have to remain seperated and during that time i can figure things out as well.
It was his father who said to me when i told him about the abuse and prior abuse that his son put his hands around my neck and he said "did he squeeze" because me and my wife have arguements and i put my arms around her..i told him he is as crazy as his son. I told him his son brought into our house with our children home, a bag of coke and he said "maybe he was just trying to show off to you, just because he brought it into the house doesnt mean he was going to use it"
I lost all respect for that man...he obviously has no respect for women. He is in his late 70's but he has all his facilities..he is also in denial, but when he says its ok for his son to put s hands around my neck as long as he didnt squeeze it---than i know that his son most have learned from him.
Why do i have such low self esteem that i have allowed this to continue for so long?? why have i let him treat me this way? why have i allowed illegal drugs in our house and have allowed him to take so much money away from his family?? and he asks me why am i angry?? is he for real?? maybe because my ah was the first serious boyfriend i ever had i have no one to compare him to....i dont know how it is to be treated well..he never abused me before the drugs, but i was also timid and didnt "get in his face" about things until now.
thanks for getting me to see the light...for giving me strength...and for making me see that i deserve so much better..im a good person with so much to give and so much to offer...i shouldnt be treated this way---ever!!!!!
thanks!