my father left the house when I was 12-although he was "gone" a long time before that. Issues with him in general led me to the bottle, and kept me there.
I just saw this forum-and it hit me....that I never think I deserve to be here--because I feel like I really didn't even have a father—he’s “long gone” just move on.
Also, it was recently brought to my attention that "abandonment issues" could possibly be worth looking into……..UGGH—the very thought of it makes me cringe………I didn't think that any of this applied to me----or maybe I just didn't want it to..
That old tape "I'm the one with the problem-it's my fault-I'm an alcoholic—at least he left and spared everyone pain----I stayed and put everyone through hell"
that's the tape I am "comfortable" playing.......but boil it down to "he left me-I miss him why doesn't he love me" and it's nearly unbearable at times.
I believe that he is still alive and I go back and fourth on going to see him…..sometimes I think that I should see him before he moves on from this earth-weather it be for me or for him for that matter---
Then other times I am content-and at peace already-don’t need to see him to solidify that….
So I guess I am throwing this out there for some feedback. I do not enjoy opening up about this matter, but I am here to get better.
So thanks
