First, Cinder makes a very insightful point. It begins ever so subtly. And each day it becomes a little more normal, a little more ingrained. They are charming, manipulative, passionate and fun. So we disregard this. And we decide to let that go.
We make excuses. We try to accommodate. But, somehow it is never enough.
Geez, if they started out acting like a-holes, we wouldn't have given them the time of day or went out with them!
Thank you for the book quote...it was one of them I was trying to remember and definitely worth the read!
According to my exabf he claims to have learned alot from our relationshp.
Based on chatting with him for the last few years I wonder what it is he learned?
Other than if he says one wrong thing to me...and I guess in many ways I am his best friend, because I don't judge anymore...he will never get to talk to me again.
We also have to look at the trade-offs we are making and what we are getting from it.
Every morning he woke me with 3 menus in mind and asked me which I wanted him to prepare for dinner. I liked being spoiled like that!
Remeber the honeymoon phase.....all lovely....he could be the most wonderful man on earth for about two weeks.
Confusing.....damned right.
But boy did I pay the price! I am truly glad I am not an undiscovered body in a pond or lake. Because I believe that was entirely as possible as his cooking a lovely dinner.
Then there is realization, shock, anger, depression, mourning, much self doubt. Fear.
Fear. Yes, you might be stalked. At work. Anywhere. You may wake up in the middle of the night to see him standing over your bed. ETC ETC.
This is a living nightmare.
My advice...keep your mouth shut if you are thinking of moving on.
LOL.....he kept all the money....but I had a $5 bill tucked into my shoe. That is all I had been able to save.
He took me shoe shopping. I tried on a pair of shoes...and damn there was that money for him to see! He asked what is that. I said my savings account. He just laughed at me. Very funny. Where was I going to go and how far on $5??????
It was a gleam of triumph for him in his eyes.
He would even take me to the DV counselor! Because it was me who had a problem and needed counseling!
I am the one who bit him on the hand after all. Nevermind it was covering my nose and mouth and I was suffocating! I "needed" anger management!