I also think (at least I HOPE!) that we get to our own bottom that the idea that "We cannot be happy without them" may eventually fade or take a new shape? When my abf said to me in a fury the other day that he had been spending $900 a week on his habit and shooting up everyday- the graphic images in my mind from this really devestated me. I had such horrible cognitive dissonance- I love this man with all my heart - but he is giving me evidence that I cannot respect him. The two sides of my mind are at war and acting out on either side causes the other one discomfort.