I'm mad at myself..
Well, what can I say other than I AM really upset with myself. I took back my abf... I tried so hard to stay away, to move on my life but.. I just can’t do it. I feel stupid and weak.
It's amazing to me how I can love and care about someone so much who only shows me compassion sporadically. I have heard the million and one speeches about how I deserve better, and that I am too young to know what true love is. I am tired of it, all of it. He makes me cry constantly, but those few moments where he makes me feel like he still cares is worth it. I feel like I am the addict, and evidently I am addicted to him. You know I think this might be harder than actually being addicted to drugs. It’s illegal to do drugs and there are meetings and groups but it’s not illegal to love someone who is an addict and there isn’t a lover anonymous. They can't lock you up for loving someone too much.
Why can’t I be resilient and get over this? I’ve realized I’m not going to be happy without him so I have to be here for him through all of his addictions..
I wish I could fast forward through all of this
I just needed to vent – and maybe get some words of encouragement. I hate that I have gone back to him but, you can’t really fight your heart…