DrainedWife....
What if you had a "magic slate"? One that could show you the past... from some point in the future?
Let's pick June 30, 2009. You dial up your "past" and see this:
Jan 2007 - Discovered drug use
Feb 2007 - Argued repeatedly over drug use
June 2007 - Restraining order due to his violence
June 2007 - Lied to judge in order to protect income
July 2007 - Accepted beating in order to avoid his jailing (protecting income)
Aug 2007 - Allowed him to bring drugs into home in order to avoid angering him
Oct 2007 - Lied that I was driving during fender bender to save his license
Dec 2007 - Kids witnessed another horrible beating
Jan 2008 - Called in and covered for him to keep his job
March 2008 - Lied and said I fell downstairs to protect him
July 2008 - Tolerated unwanted sex to avoid fight
Aug 2008 - Lied to relatives when he went missing during family picnic
Oct 2008 - Intervened when he got violent with children
Dec 2008 - Emergency room visit - drug overdose
Jan 2009 - Allowed him to stay after losing job... afraid not to
Mar 2009 - Kicked him out due to bringing drug friends to our home
June 2009 - Unable to arrange his funeral, financially and emotionally destitute
If you could intervene in that process... which is admittedly, dramatic and probably entirely inaccurate... but if you could interevene, as which point would you take some action?
Most of us are "in the moment" and as we try to help the addict/alcoholic we protect them from suffering the full consequences of their actions... and we also do that to protect ourselves, as well. The truth is, that things are likely to get worse no matter what we do. And accepting that addiction is chronic, progressive and (if left untreated) fatal is important to us so that we can make the best decisions possible in order to protect ourselves.
I don't know about family court, but I hope you can take some of that good advice before mine and consider seriously how you want to respond to the judge.
You are in my prayers.