It hurts and it seems personal when they seem to choose crack over the people that love them the most. I think that is the part that was most difficult for me. I don't know if you read the sticky "What addicts do" but it kinda puts that part into prospective some. I was together with my husband 20+ years and we have been divorced for a year. I still struggle with that part to this day. One day I am angry at him because of it. The next day I have to tell myself it was not because he didn't love us, it was not personal. I understand more about addiction than his children do and I know they take it personal. The dissapointments are endless when addiction is involved.
I hope you feel better soon.
Try and take care of yourself...Michelle