Bjen, Call me stupid, but I have been in this marriage for 18 years, and haven't left yet, and think about doing it daily. Your explanation of your life is mine in a nutshell, I quess I am not such a freak after all for putting up with this insanity. I wish I could just go, be gone, let him be drunk and stinky, and nasty, belligerent and the list goes on and on. But I don't. We live in a little nothing town that he was born and raised in. All the people look at me like I am either nuts, or they pity me, some even say to me, he must be really hard to live with. A first I tried to act like the strong woman who stood by her man no matter what. I am tired of being strong, and standing by his drunk ass. But I feel somewhat defeated and tired. Still not feeling any better this morning, concentration is not back, energy is gone, I just want to sleep a while, probably the lack of sleep I had last night. Why do I do this?