I am sorry for what you are dealing with. I can see that you are trying to do the right things - especially since kids are involved.
I'm not an expert, but I think some Al-Anon meetings would do you good. I think you will get an idea that there is not much you can do to help her. She has to help herself. At the same time I think the meetings will help you regain your sanity.
Best Wishes to you.
Marianne