highly confused,
You really should get to some Al Anon meetings. You're obsessed with her behavior and are spending all your time watching her, searching for evidence that she's using. It doesn't matter.....if she wants to use, she will use. It sounds like you really love her and want to keep your family together. You need to realize, though, that she is not going to quit until she hits her own bottom and decides she's done. History tells her she can do what she wants and still come back to you. Until she reaches her bottom there is absolutely nothing you can do to change her. Its so hard to accept that and sometimes many of us never do. But for your own sanity and the future of your boys you need to seek some help for yourself. You'll learn in time that sometimes you have to let them fall and pick up the pieces on their own. That's the hardest part of dealing with an addict I think because we hurt for them and so want them back to the way they used to be. They also have meetings for kids if your boys are struggling with this. Your boys need their father so do some nice things just you and them. You're in my prayers....
paige