Hi, I don't have the energy to do all the quote stuff I would like to so I hope this makes some sense.
1. Addicts use at any given time because they believe their experience while high is preferrable to the experience while not high. For some it is because they are normally depressed, agitated, sad, etc.. For others it is because they love the rush and excitement of the drug. For most, it is some combination. The reasons for use may change over time as their own brain chemistry changes, as well as their life circumstances.
OK, here goes. There was a time when I enjoyed drinking, a long long time ago. I suppose I drank from 15 or so until I was probably about 22 before I started to have the tiny inkling that I might have a little problem with my alcohol intake. By the time I began to realize that there might be a problem, I was already hooked (and had been for some time and didn’t even know it).
I don’t really remember a rush or excitement. I don’t think I was any more or less depressed, agitated or sad than anyone else around me. I drank because it made me feel good. Good, wonderful, whole, human. How did it make me feel? Impossible to describe the taste of milk to someone who has never tasted it.
I could be a bit crude and ask you to give up having bowel movements for a while. Or hey, I think that your major problem is fluids. Stop drinking fluids you ninny! No water, no juice, no nothing. What’s wrong with you anyway?! The next time you have an intestinal bug try to control your diarrhea with willpower.
Try to imagine if you can how it might feel to breathe oxygen for the first time.
Oh God, how I tried to stop. You can never know how much I tried. It is quite impossible for you to understand how much willpower an alcoholic or addict exerts trying to control their disease. We try and try and try, we hurt those who love us and can’t stop, we hate ourselves because we can’t stop.
2. Addicts will go to great lengths to protect and continue in their addiction because they strongly prefer using over not using.
Preference has absolutely nothing to do with it.
3. Many things contribute to deciding to stop using, and they differ for different people. These things are the same in principle to why people stop any behavior, but in general they boil down to this: Pain or less pleasure from the drug itself, pain or less pleasure from the consequences of using. Many things can contribute to this, including suddenly finding better alternatives.
Got Married, didn’t stop. Got divorced, didn’t stop. Got DWI, didn’t stop. Nearly got kicked out of military, didn’t stop. Failed at college, didn’t stop. Got another DWI, didn’t stop. Went to jail, didn’t stop. I could go on and it did get worse…
4. Craving is nothing more than the mind associating using with pleasure or relief from pain. Therefore, anything that changes one's thinking--whether that be a new environment certain drugs, new activities, new uses of the body (changes in sensations affects our thinking)--ie eating, sleep, exercise, etc.., or using techiques to think differently--affect the level of craving.
The only time I did not drink or think about drinking was when I was asleep.
5. Denial, while often powerful, is simply human nature: We all deny or minimize the negative effects of things we enjoy or prefer.
I think I addressed this. For a long time I didn’t know I was addicted, and when I became aware of at times I couldn’t face it because not-drinking was not an option.
I have less conviction on why one person becomes an addict--ie use becomes persistent and long term--and another doesn't, but I think any of the following factors may play a role:
1. Deep seated beliefs which produce unhappiness/pain, which the drugs relieve. For as long as the beliefs continue the drug maintains an allure. These beliefs are primarily about one's inability to achieve a state or condition in life they find critical to their happiness.
People from all walks of life, all socio-economic strata’s of society, the rich, the poor, the happy, the sad. Come on, the above is naïve.
2. Chronic physical pain relieved by drugs.
I do believe that someone who uses strong drugs for pain relief is susceptible to addiction. However, there are many, many people who use strong drugs as prescribed and do not become addicted.
3. The failure to find an alternative which is as effective, or the lack of faith that a better alternative exists.
Once I was addicted there was no alternative.
4. Genetics may play a role in creating a state of mind which drugs help relieve
I believe genetics are the underlying cause of most if not all alcoholism but certainly not because the genetics create a particular state of mind. My liver does not process alcohol the same way your liver does. This is proven scientific fact. (assuming you are not an alcoholic).
Based on the above, it seems to me that the best way to try and help my brother would be to openly discuss what the experience of drinking means to him--what he feels like when he drinks, what cravings are like for him, how his experience compares to alternatives, and how alcohol fits into his philosophy about what he believes makes a person happy, and to share my thoughts--which will differ from his--on these issues.
The wonderful, wonderful woman in my life always wanted to know why. WHY did you start drinking again? WHY? PLEASE just tell me WHY?
I truly did not know. I had no idea whatsoever. None.
I hated that question more than anything in the world.
My questions here are:
2. How can I get my brother to open up more? Unfortunately, my brother would prefer to not discuss his drinking even though it seems to be the most important thing in his life. I think he has some guilt about it, and maybe some anger or resentment toward me since I've tried to talk him into quitting in the past.
I can tell from your words that you love your brother deeply. Replying to this thread and especially to your post is painful for me. I am reaching deep inside and poking at some slimy crap that I don’t even want to acknowledge is there. Just writing this to you is slightly awakening the beast within and remembering what it is like to breathe oxygen causes my body to want more. Yes, right now I can feel the craving. I won’t give in today though. I’ll be OK.
This whole forum of SR is really opening my eyes to the pain and suffering of those who love us.
And there is pain…..
Ted