Spiritual Seeker, your post expresses the same concern and curiosity I have for my brother. It is great to be able to get some honest responses from those that have been down the road. I appreciate it too. Thanks to all of you.
I posted the following on another forum today, but think it may fit in here, and would like to know others responses--does it ring true, etc..?
Hi.
I'm new here. I've been trying to help my brother for years. He is addicted to alcohol. There is so much contradictory information about addiction, that it is hard for me to know how to best help. Here's what I believe is true:
1. Addicts use at any given time because they believe their experience while high is preferrable to the experience while not high. For some it is because they are normally depressed, agitated, sad, etc.. For others it is because they love the rush and excitement of the drug. For most, it is some combination. The reasons for use may change over time as their own brain chemistry changes, as well as their life circumstances.
2. Addicts will go to great lengths to protect and continue in their addiction because they strongly prefer using over not using.
3. Many things contribute to deciding to stop using, and they differ for different people. These things are the same in principle to why people stop any behavior, but in general they boil down to this: Pain or less pleasure from the drug itself, pain or less pleasure from the consequences of using. Many things can contribute to this, including suddenly finding better alternatives.
4. Craving is nothing more than the mind associating using with pleasure or relief from pain. Therefore, anything that changes one's thinking--whether that be a new environment certain drugs, new activities, new uses of the body (changes in sensations affects our thinking)--ie eating, sleep, exercise, etc.., or using techiques to think differently--affect the level of craving.
5. Denial, while often powerful, is simply human nature: We all deny or minimize the negative effects of things we enjoy or prefer.
I have less conviction on why one person becomes an addict--ie use becomes persistent and long term--and another doesn't, but I think any of the following factors may play a role:
1. Deep seated beliefs which produce unhappiness/pain, which the drugs relieve. For as long as the beliefs continue the drug maintains an allure. These beliefs are primarily about one's inability to achieve a state or condition in life they find critical to their happiness.
2. Chronic physical pain relieved by drugs.
3. The failure to find an alternative which is as effective, or the lack of faith that a better alternative exists.
4. Genetics may play a role in creating a state of mind which drugs help relieve
Based on the above, it seems to me that the best way to try and help my brother would be to openly discuss what the experience of drinking means to him--what he feels like when he drinks, what cravings are like for him, how his experience compares to alternatives, and how alcohol fits into his philosophy about what he believes makes a person happy, and to share my thoughts--which will differ from his--on these issues.
My questions here are:
1. Do my beliefs above seem accurate to you all?
2. How can I get my brother to open up more? Unfortunately, my brother would prefer to not discuss his drinking even though it seems to be the most important thing in his life. I think he has some guilt about it, and maybe some anger or resentment toward me since I've tried to talk him into quitting in the past.
Thanks,
ted