Gmoney

I, too, was a "functioning addict" and didn't realize how bad I had become addicted until I was 38 years old. I knew I had to do something about my problem before it got any worse, so I volunteered to go to rehab (1985). I successfuly completed that 28 day program and "graduated" with honors (hehehe). Needless to say...I learned nothing while I was there except to blame my situation on my friends and that ONE drug. The "people, places and things" stuff, you know? Boy, did I have it confused. I got out and bought an expensive new car, jewelry and proceeded to become a "recovery evangelist" - preaching to anyone who would listen about how they should change their lives and become great like me.

It wasn't long before I was drinking again and hanging out in clubs. I managed to accomplish some personal goals (college graduate, home, money) while abstaining from old friends and the hard stuff, but I never addressed the "inside stuff" that recovery is all about. It took almost 9 years before I returned to my original drug of choice and once I did it, I knew I was in trouble. The first to notice my drastic change in personality was family members and co-workers. Because I had sought help before, I wasn't afraid to reach out again. So it was sort of a combination of others being concerned and fear of losing control that prompted me getting help.

I must say that it wasn't easy. Between 1994 and 1998, I went through 7 inpatient programs, 3 outpatient programs, the geographical change and losing the job I had worked on for 20 years. I did things I swore I'd never do and I experienced depths I never imagined. With each relapse, my addiction got worse and worse. I sold things from my home, I commited crimes, and I binged for weeks at a time. Had it not been for my dear mother, a dedicated counselor, and a very close friend...I'd probably be dead. They stuck by my side through it all because they knew I was sick.

Today, my mother is 79 years old. I almost cried when I wrote my original response to this thread because I haven't forgotten those days. She calls me her "hero" and I call her mine. My best friend and I are still very close and we can laugh about some of my past behaviors. I'll close by saying that help is all around us, we simply have to be willing to receive it. Recovery is for those who want it and we have to want it really, really bad.

TFLMS