Acceptance?
How do you accept that you are an alcoholic? Whats the difference between a heavy drinker and an alcoholic?
I wish I could just accept that I am an alcoholic but I don't seem to be able to, I know I drink way to much and wish I didn't so I try to stop, last week I went 5 days with out a drink and had a really good week, no hangovers, more energy, less depressed etc so why do i then think it is ok to have a drink, maybe I would be classed more as a binge drinker, but somtimes I can "binge" evey night for a week then take a day or 2 off but usually after a day of abstinence the cravings come and I think it will be ok to drink again.
I somtimes think it would be easier if I was a "typical" alcoholic, you know the sterotype that people with out alcohol problems think of, wake up and have a drink to start the day etc, (I hope that dosn't offend anyone, I am not sure how else to describe what I mean) if I did that I think I could accept I was an alcoholic and accept I have to quit, maybe, I don't know, it just seems to me that because I have "some" degree of control over my drinking that I can't quite accept I am alcoholic and I am more of a heavy drinker that makes it harder for me personally.
I am not even sure why I am writing this really, obviously I had way to much to drink again last night and am suffering the concequenses this morning and again my inner voice is yelling at me, see you shouldn't drink, you know what happens etc, yet I know that tommrow that voice will change to, as long as you only drink x ammount of untis whats the harm etc.
I guess what I am trying to ask is, how do you accept that you can't drink? Does anybody else have this constant fight with themselves trying to work out if they are an alcoholic rather than a heavy drinker. I guess it dosn't really matter either way as which ever I am I know I don't want to drink yet I still do :/
Sorry for ramberling on if you got this far, I am just trying to get some understanding as I feel the more I know the better I will be able to deal with this problem.
Sax