should have
First time poster...you all are cheaper than a shrink! Need advice. Been married to a long time alcoholic who also used recreational drugs. Many arguements, but I stuck around (shoulda, woulda, coulda...). About 10 years ago he got cancer, and if things wern't bad enough, things have gone downhill since then. He has had many types of operations, one bad thing after another, and is uninsurable. He is now addicted to vicodin and other stuff, doctor shops, and the whole sad story. He had a good job for 30 years, but since 2002 has gone through a series of short lived,(FIRED) low paying jobs, and has lost his barely paying gas money job recently. We've been through rehab (court appointed), 3 dwi's, job loss, and briefly al-anon.and coda for me. He is worse now than ever, and will not go to aa. I wasn;t impressed with alanon or coda. His mantra is "you knew I drank when you married me" Of course I know I have enabled, but feel trapped because he'll never get insurance again, and he's gone through at least $350,000 worth of operations and Dr.'s appointment this year alone. We get insurance through my job. I once cared for him, and if I divorce him it is a death sentence for him (wouldn't put suicide past him either). He was actually detoxed in Feb., due to a diffficult operation and extended hospital stay, made much longer because of the drugs and alcohol effects. As soon as he was home and able he went back to booze, drugs and did I mention smokes, after I begged him once again to go to aa. And trust me, me going to alanon does not encourage him to go to aa.
Another reason (totally selfish) I haven't left is if I divorce him he will get half of the assets, which will be used up in drink and drugs. We have a lot of assets, and at 53 I'm not sure I want to give them up. I am not from a family that drank or smoked, and I was attracted to the rebel in him many years ago. He is not functional, I'm misrable, but he won't leave. Since posession is 9/10 of the law, I'm reluctant to leave the house. He is still in much pain from recent operations and severe arthritis, and unemployable due to drugs and physical issues. Any ideas out there?