Thank you everyone for your replies. Another 2 hours to go before the service and I already feel like I'm falling apart.
I guess I don't need to worry about talking to the funeral director as RAH says no way is his mother sitting with the family. But, he did ask if my mom can sit with us to help keep the kids calm. Now to me that is very sad, my RAH often looks to my mom for support and refuses to go to his own mother for anything.
I will try to avoid her, but I know that's going to be difficult. And as far as saying anything to her... I know it won't make her a more considerate person, that I'm certain will NEVER happen, but I want it known that she cannot speak to my kids in that way. My daughter's only 2 for crying out loud, does she really need to hear stupid crap from her grandmother? She didn't even understand what was being said to her, she just hid her head on my chest. Poor little girl. That's the part that aggravates me the most... treat me how ever you want, but leave my children out of it!