Originally Posted by
oneeyeopen 
I was asking the abf last night why those addicts that want to recover, want to stop, don't go get treatment. He said because it takes away the one thing that makes them numb. So I asked, why do these addicts have such an incredible need to be numb. He rolled his eyes and said that I would never understand.
Sometimes I think that if I could just understand, if I could just find the logic in this disease, the reason, then the abf could "fix" it.
But...yeah, I know, just have to accept that there is not logic to it, no understanding it, well at least for those of us outside. The only thing I can think of that comes close to it is how I feel about chocolate, especially when I have pms.
In that HBO show there was one woman who said "I have been dealing with this for 30 years and I still don't understand it"
So, why don't the ones who really want to stop just go get treatment? why are they so resistant even though it is what they want?
my abf says he doesn't even enjoy it, knows it just isn't worth it because of what he has to deal with afterwards (his own self-loathing, my anger, having no money, etc) but for whatever reason, despite that, doesn't get treatment...no logic.
and why are there all these people that so desperately need the numbing??? what is so terrible about their lives? Okay, once they are active addicts it is pretty crappy but before that, when they started?
Once I "Realized" I was addicted to meth believe me I would have loved to have gone to treatment, but I did not have that luxury. I could barely afford therapy
at the time, I live in the Hollywood Hills so you can guess my rent is not cheap,
I have animals, a car, a job, a life, there is no one here to just pick up for me
and pay for rehab or my rent, the utilities, etc. I would have lost everything.
My life was not so terrible that I just didn't want to quit, it's the drug or for
me and meth that is what it was. Yea sure there were times, I loved that I
could numb out, but I hated it most of the time.
Have you ever been out running or outside and dying of thirst and you had to
wait for water or whatever it was to drink? What if someone told you no,
you can't have any, or food? when you get to that point where you are so
hungry you are shaky, and someone says nope you can't eat, it becomes
a basic necesity in your brain.
I know that sounds like a stupid comparison, but being numb is more like
a want, where the drug becomes more like a need.
I did try and quit many times before I finally did quit, but I would get so depressed
and suicidal, I couldn't handle myself, I was stuck and didn't know what to do.
lol, then on my last bag I stayed awake for a few days and read every single thing on the net about meth and how I could kick it, and then I found SR and I've been
clean ever since....
That is just how it was for me anyway. I knew I was on the verge of losing everything if I didn't get a grip, people around me knew something was up
but weren't sure what it was. If rehab would have been there I would have
jumped, but it wasn't and I'm actually glad I did it on my own, or without rehab
I mean. ;-)
It's all very confusing even to me still. None of it really makes logical sense.
But if someone told me they wanted to stop and rehab was available to them
and they didn't take it? Hmmm... There probably just not there yet.
I think when you are sick enough of yourself you'll do anything to change.
I hated who I was on meth more than I ever could sober, and that's been
pretty bad at times...
<<<Okay, once they are active addicts it is pretty crappy but before that, when they started?[>>>>
It wouldn't have mattered if my life was great or horrible, all that mattered was that One bad choice I made one afternoon. Took me 40 seconds to get addicted to that stuff..