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why they don't voluntarily go to treatment

Old 05-19-2007, 07:21 AM
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why they don't voluntarily go to treatment

I was asking the abf last night why those addicts that want to recover, want to stop, don't go get treatment. He said because it takes away the one thing that makes them numb. So I asked, why do these addicts have such an incredible need to be numb. He rolled his eyes and said that I would never understand.

Sometimes I think that if I could just understand, if I could just find the logic in this disease, the reason, then the abf could "fix" it.

But...yeah, I know, just have to accept that there is not logic to it, no understanding it, well at least for those of us outside. The only thing I can think of that comes close to it is how I feel about chocolate, especially when I have pms.

In that HBO show there was one woman who said "I have been dealing with this for 30 years and I still don't understand it"

So, why don't the ones who really want to stop just go get treatment? why are they so resistant even though it is what they want?

my abf says he doesn't even enjoy it, knows it just isn't worth it because of what he has to deal with afterwards (his own self-loathing, my anger, having no money, etc) but for whatever reason, despite that, doesn't get treatment...no logic.

and why are there all these people that so desperately need the numbing??? what is so terrible about their lives? Okay, once they are active addicts it is pretty crappy but before that, when they started?
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Old 05-19-2007, 07:26 AM
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fear of change. that's my guess. blessings, k
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:03 AM
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I think it also has to do with avoiding responsibility, living a "normal" life, having a job, not going out...they probably view it as boring. Thier social life has been so attached to drinking and drugs, a life like mine must seem boring, in bed by ten, up at 6:30 to get my kid ready for school, out of the house by 7:15 on my way to work..yeah, boring, responsibilities, going to the supermarket, paying the bills...

I mean, if you have devoted your life to partying since you were a teenager then that type of life must seem dull and dreary.
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:13 AM
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They don't know how to live a normal life. My daughter also told me that she wants no responsibility. What better way to achieve it than to live with a 37 year old crack addict that gives her drugs and asks for nothing from her except her soul. Hugs, Marle
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:15 AM
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I think they are so full of fear of change and just fear in general. Then of course if they have a lot of support in place(codies who take responsibility for them) they have no need to change especially if it has been going on for years.
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by oneeyeopen View Post
I think it also has to do with avoiding responsibility
Oh yea that was true for me.

It was party, party, party……as hard and as often as I could get away with it. When responsibilities were due….. I tried to turn that into a party.

Looking back, I was out of my mind because I thought I was a sane person having a 35 year run of bad luck. Madness…I was living it.

Last edited by Zencat; 05-19-2007 at 08:24 AM. Reason: typo
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Old 05-19-2007, 08:57 AM
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for me i think it was fear of the unknown coupled with a lot of stuffed painful issues from the past that i would have rather stayed high than to work through because i just didn't realize that they were there all covered over all along. once i found out the difference in the way i felt with drugs as oppose to the constant subconscience hurting in my heart, it felt better for a while to stay medicated, i was just so tired of hurting and drugs gave me a release if it was only for that second, that was until the drugs created even more pain causing me to need more drugs to medicate the pain.

when i finally did go to rehab and this last time i went, i had a counselor who helped me one on one to work the steps, working through those past painful issues and the fears, i realize how much lighter i felt and how much less i wanted to or had a reason to medicate. as the pain got less intense, the less i need drugs, so here i am
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Old 05-19-2007, 09:25 AM
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My RAH wanted to quit using crack for 20 years. Just because you use doesn't mean that you want to. It's just that the lure to numb, escape, pleasure out, get what you want won out against your desire to quit. It is a coping mechanism. The brain of an addict gets REALLY sick and the neurochemicals/neural pathways that help in impulse control go on the blink. There is no ability to resist the "normal" impulses to medicate until the brain heals a bit. It's almost like you need the 1st 90 days of sobriety to just heal enough to begin to do what you need to do in recovery. Unfortunately, most addicts are back out in society well before the brain has a chance to heal....back to their playgrounds and playmates. The frontal lobe - especially the prefrontal cortex has a ton to do with impulse control. That part of the brain gets rewired during active addiction. That's way it's almost impossible to "go it alone" and the rooms of recovery are needed.

I always remember that my brain has been rewired too due to stress, anguish, dashed hopes, etc. The neurochemicals that that involves create new pathways as well. It becomes hardwired in me - the need to create chaos so that I can do what I do best - respond to it. Hopefully, I'm getting better at not doing that.

As a recovering alcoholic I can address the feelings part of it - maybe. Feelings in me run really hot and really cold. Those extremes are extremely painful and something that I want to avoid at all costs. Or rather - the bad ones. The good ones feel so good that I want to escalate those and I tell you - being high or drunk can do that like nothing else. In recovery, you learn to deal with all of your feelings. All of the AA meetings that I go to actually talk about that - not how to stop bringing a glass up to my lips. We never found ways - growing up - that helped us to deal with emotions (whatever they may be) in a healthy way. I have just come from a meeting where a woman said "I live in a beautiful home, have awesome kids, a family and friends that love me, a great job - then how come I can go for months where I just want to die?" Every head in the room nodded. No - it doesn't make sense. It is a disease of the spirit. It takes a lot of work and practice to find the way. I know that it doesn't make sense "why they can't be happy with what they have when they have everything". But it's not about that - it's about the "hole" in the soul - right in the middle of the solar plexus - that aches and screams for relief. The pain of it makes you want to disappear. I really don't know how to explain it other that that. It begins so big and loud that nothing else matters.

The steps - for me - have been the easier/softer way. It took me 34 years of medicating though to get there. It took RAH 35 years of medicating to get there....I still miss it - it was an easy out. What happened is that the pain of using became greater than the pain of not using. For each of us that is different.

Don't know if this makes ANY sense at all or is of any help. It's just been my experience.

Love, Donna
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Old 05-19-2007, 09:39 AM
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just like to say thank you to light.

you said it so well, i mean i struggle like everyone else because of my ah's addiction, but what you said was and is so true for me. i couldn't have explained it better. that you so much. sometimes because its not me and its my ah this time, i just don't want to remember what it was like and how i felt, i guess that gives me the chance to blame my ah for hurting me and not his addiction. not to make excuses, i think that its just the way it is.

ps, i think that this is why its so much harder for me to let go, cause i've been there and i know what its like first hand.
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Old 05-19-2007, 09:41 AM
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Teke -

I knew for sure that you would understand. It is a cunning, baffling disease - all of it. Ahhhhhhhh - life as a double winner! But - the wonderful part is that is has allowed me to meet all sorts of wonderful people - like you and all of the others here.

Love ya! Donna
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:13 AM
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when i was in rehab the last time, i saw a medical video about how the brain functions before and after addiction. it left me in awe and understanding so much better what was happening to me and my way of thinking and what was the reason why i could not just stop and how the cravings came about. i wished i knew how to get a copy of it or even knew the name of it. do any body have a clue about what video i could be talking about?
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:50 AM
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why they don't go to rehab

I'm new here and there's so many questions I'd like answered that I don't know where to start, I've known my ex boyfriend since 1986, he'll be 49 this year so this isn't something he'll "outgrow" we broke up in 1992 because of drugs, tried again in 1997, 2005 and now again, he told me he quit buying, selling and making dope, I introduced him to a friend of mine last week that has nothing to do with drugs,I the first thing he did when I left the room was pull out a very big baggie full of meth, she told me about it on the way home, I havn't talked to him about it, I want to do it in person. Well yesterday my daughter told me he called her wanting her to meet him somewhere when she did he wanted her to buy pills to make meth,( she's recovering and doing great) she saw a lab in the back of his truck in broad day light and left. is he just stupid or is this a cry for help? I'd greatly appreciate any answers you can give me, also he still lives with his mom, doesn't work much I've tried to talk to her and she won't believe it.
thanks
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Old 05-19-2007, 10:58 AM
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ebv................your questions and post are important, maybe you can start a new thread for this topic so your post doesnt get overlooked..........and others can offer answers and support
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Old 05-19-2007, 12:01 PM
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thanks for reply

liesagain,
thanks for the idea, I'll do that.
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Old 05-19-2007, 02:18 PM
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I will never relate to feeling of wanting to be numb all the time. I guess I have no compassion.........My ex wasn't raised in an addictive environment so I don't get it. He is living in his car, weighs about 100 pounds soaking wet, has no income, no job, no friends and no family. I cry every night for him but he is fine with his choices. When he wants a warm, safe place to crash, he does try to come here but I haven't been allowing it. It is too hard to see and expose to the children.

Will addicts and codies ever understand each other?
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Old 05-19-2007, 04:10 PM
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greeneyedgirl, sorry about you bf but a lot of addicts were not raised in an addictive enviroment, i'm one of those that wasn't but i ended up a crack addict. i think curiosity is what got me, i tried it once, i just couldn't stop. i think with one time, i gave away my choice to stop on my own, i needed help. the first time i went to rehab it was out of fear and i really fought going. my ah dropped me off at detox at 3:oo am, and i was too afraid to walk 6 miles home in the middle of the night and i didn't have money for taxis fare, so i went in, scared to death of what i don't know, but i went in.

my mom never had friends over who dranked or at least not around us, she didn't go out, and at 7yro when my dad died, i don't know anything about her even dating again. she don't allow alcohol in her home at all, and growing up she was the same way. she was so protective of us, i couldn't go anywhere without a parent or teacher watching. we grew up almost 24/7 in church. how i became addicted, i just don't know other than i must have inherited the addictive gene. in my opinion, parents are not always at fault and neither is the enviroment that addicts are raised in. just my opinion.
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Old 05-19-2007, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by teke View Post
greeneyedgirl, sorry about you bf but a lot of addicts were not raised in an addictive enviroment, i'm one of those that wasn't but i ended up a crack addict. i think curiosity is what got me, i tried it once, i just couldn't stop. i think with one time, i gave away my choice to stop on my own, i needed help. the first time i went to rehab it was out of fear and i really fought going. my ah dropped me off at detox at 3:oo am, and i was too afraid to walk 6 miles home in the middle of the night and i didn't have money for taxis fare, so i went in, scared to death of what i don't know, but i went in.

my mom never had friends over who dranked or at least not around us, she didn't go out, and at 7yro when my dad died, i don't know anything about her even dating again. she don't allow alcohol in her home at all, and growing up she was the same way. she was so protective of us, i couldn't go anywhere without a parent or teacher watching. we grew up almost 24/7 in church. how i became addicted, i just don't know other than i must have inherited the addictive gene. in my opinion, parents are not always at fault and neither is the enviroment that addicts are raised in. just my opinion.


I'm glad to hear that you were raised right but that is my point.......why? Why could doing something one time change the whole direction of your life? He always thinks he is in control but he hasn't been in control since he fell in love with the pipe. If he was raised without this, how am I going to raise my three kids who have been exposed to this? I totally don't blame the parents (in most cases) but I grew up in an alcoholic home so some bad behaviors were the norm for me. That's why people are more susceptible to the disease although it can happen to everyone.

It just pisses me off that people are always concerned with the addict but no one is scanning the brains of the codies or the double winners. Why are we wired to enable? Why do we fall for the perfect person who just happens to be addicted? I am tired of banging my head against the wall but I am learning that I have to change for the situation to change for the better.

Please don't take offense to anything I have written! I mean no disrespect and I am sure my thoughts are not coming out the way I mean them.
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Old 05-19-2007, 05:15 PM
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no, sweetie, i didn't take offense at all, i do understand where you are, believe it or not, i wonder the same thing about my ah, and i feel just like you. its all so sad, even for the double winner me, its hard for me to understand why about my ah. seems like he knows what it takes but he just won't do what it takes. on the other hand i do understand how he feels cause i've been there but that don't mean that i want to understand or want to except his excuses. its so baffling. i hope he gets better soon.

with the kids i guess you are gonna do the best you can, just because they have been exposed, don't mean that they have to become addicts. i have 5 grown and gone ones and i don't know anything about either one of them being addicts yet, and they were raised by me in the mist of my addiction. i did the best i could to keep it away from them and i didn't stay out or anything, didn't have drug buddies around them but i was still the addicted mom. i ended up taking them to meetings with me and told them the best i could about addiction and my therepist told me once that as long as i'm ok, they'll be ok. they have you so i think that they'll be ok too.

i know its hard to have to deal with, but what can we do? i'm just so sorry that this is happening to you and your family. i'm praying for ya
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Old 05-19-2007, 05:46 PM
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nor do I.....I completely second what teke spoke of. I wish that I knew too.....I watched the whole HBO addiction series and it felt to me like they left out the "anon" side of it all. It's a big piece of the pie.

I, too, are so saddened by your situation. There is no rhyme or reason to addiction for the most part. My husband's 3 sibs are non-addicts....raised in the same "right" home. Go figure.

It seems like they scan more brains in the addict population but there does seem to be an awful lot of literature for the codie brain - those of us who "love too much" as some of the books say.

My prayers go out to you and your kids as well.....
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Old 05-19-2007, 07:22 PM
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Originally Posted by oneeyeopen View Post
I was asking the abf last night why those addicts that want to recover, want to stop, don't go get treatment. He said because it takes away the one thing that makes them numb. So I asked, why do these addicts have such an incredible need to be numb. He rolled his eyes and said that I would never understand.

Sometimes I think that if I could just understand, if I could just find the logic in this disease, the reason, then the abf could "fix" it.

But...yeah, I know, just have to accept that there is not logic to it, no understanding it, well at least for those of us outside. The only thing I can think of that comes close to it is how I feel about chocolate, especially when I have pms.

In that HBO show there was one woman who said "I have been dealing with this for 30 years and I still don't understand it"

So, why don't the ones who really want to stop just go get treatment? why are they so resistant even though it is what they want?

my abf says he doesn't even enjoy it, knows it just isn't worth it because of what he has to deal with afterwards (his own self-loathing, my anger, having no money, etc) but for whatever reason, despite that, doesn't get treatment...no logic.

and why are there all these people that so desperately need the numbing??? what is so terrible about their lives? Okay, once they are active addicts it is pretty crappy but before that, when they started?

Once I "Realized" I was addicted to meth believe me I would have loved to have gone to treatment, but I did not have that luxury. I could barely afford therapy
at the time, I live in the Hollywood Hills so you can guess my rent is not cheap,
I have animals, a car, a job, a life, there is no one here to just pick up for me
and pay for rehab or my rent, the utilities, etc. I would have lost everything.

My life was not so terrible that I just didn't want to quit, it's the drug or for
me and meth that is what it was. Yea sure there were times, I loved that I
could numb out, but I hated it most of the time.
Have you ever been out running or outside and dying of thirst and you had to
wait for water or whatever it was to drink? What if someone told you no,
you can't have any, or food? when you get to that point where you are so
hungry you are shaky, and someone says nope you can't eat, it becomes
a basic necesity in your brain.
I know that sounds like a stupid comparison, but being numb is more like
a want, where the drug becomes more like a need.
I did try and quit many times before I finally did quit, but I would get so depressed
and suicidal, I couldn't handle myself, I was stuck and didn't know what to do.
lol, then on my last bag I stayed awake for a few days and read every single thing on the net about meth and how I could kick it, and then I found SR and I've been
clean ever since....

That is just how it was for me anyway. I knew I was on the verge of losing everything if I didn't get a grip, people around me knew something was up
but weren't sure what it was. If rehab would have been there I would have
jumped, but it wasn't and I'm actually glad I did it on my own, or without rehab
I mean. ;-)


It's all very confusing even to me still. None of it really makes logical sense.

But if someone told me they wanted to stop and rehab was available to them
and they didn't take it? Hmmm... There probably just not there yet.
I think when you are sick enough of yourself you'll do anything to change.
I hated who I was on meth more than I ever could sober, and that's been
pretty bad at times...

<<<Okay, once they are active addicts it is pretty crappy but before that, when they started?[>>>>

It wouldn't have mattered if my life was great or horrible, all that mattered was that One bad choice I made one afternoon. Took me 40 seconds to get addicted to that stuff..
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