cinder i feel the same way, though, with the situation with my ah, i just don't know, i think he did not leave on good terms, and while he was here claiming sober, because i was not so receptive of him and his advances, i did tell him that i wanted him gone and that i hated him. it feels like my actions may have been what sent him off using and whatever else he's doing again. i guess i kind of feel a little guilty but i really didn't mean all of what was said, but i did mean that because i didn't trust him not to cheat while on these binges, i couldn't allow myself to be involved with him like he may have thought i should have been.
Dont feel guilty Teke. He has to learn to cope with life on lifes terms and that would include his wife that he's treated badly wanting little to do with him. You were a wreck while he was home, look at how much you accomplished since he's been gone...
You didnt cause his problem, You dont control him into using, and you cant cure it. He chose to bury his feelings to numbness, why? because he was choosing to live in a fantasy world.