Unsure...
I am not sure if I am confused about my situation because I am still emotionally involved in it and it is so recent but I often question what is it that lead me to believe that my ex ab was actually addicted.
I guess in my mind because his drug of choice was pot, I feel like I have to justify my feelings to myself! I mean, I have read some of your posts (bless you all) and he was not smoking crack or shooting up so I am somehow inclined to think that it is not as harmful... Is it not the doc that matters but the behavior around it?
I was talking to a new friend last night and he just happened to bring up a friend of his that was addicted to pot when they were in college. Eventually, I shared my story of my ex ab with him and we got into a little bit of a philosophical discussion about what actually constitutes addiction. I spoke of compulsive behavior, not being able to go a day without it, a refusal to have a dialogue about it... It made me think.
Then we spoke of what addiction might actually stem from... does the person necessarily use their doc to run away from some past or present experience(s)/feeling(s) they cannot handle or can an addiction just rise out of a loss of control over some substance you thought you could handle?
I guess that I just always believed that if your self-esteem and your ability to cope with yourself and your life was at a certain level, you probably wouldn't have to lean on a crutch everyday... be it gambling, sex, coke or heroin. With my ex ab, I just went by my gut... he is so talented in so many ways yet he chooses pot everyday, coasting by in school and a career as a waiter... and oh yeah, he let me go because I challenged him to do more with his life!
The thing is, I second-guess myself on the approach I took because he is so functional so maybe in some way I distorted reality. He wasn't broke, he has a roof over his head and he could always support himself. But my heart was telling me that he was running from some sort of pain in his life that kept him from wanting better for himself and more for us.
How do I reassure myself that I made the right call?