Hey Hon,
I can relate. I sobered up the same weekend my exAbf and I split up (for the second painful time). I kept going to AA meetings obsessing about his continued drinking and drugging the whole while. I found this board early on in my sobriety. I have an addictive personality type...and relationships ..yes, are one of them. I had 5 months sober yesterday (man, what a ride its been so far). But a couple of weeks ago...I started thinking about my exAbf ...worrying about him again. I have moved 3000 miles away from him since we split. In all honesty, I was on my last leg of being concerned about him...something in my brain knew he was fading to dust...and another part of my brain (the addictive part)...went "nooooooooooo".....
I'm sober...so the drama in my life has pretty much gone...and the ole me was restless I guess. I emailed him. Argh. I reinitiated contact. Argh. We've exchanged emails. And I have made myself miserable and crazy again in the process.
It was stupid on my part. Really, really stupid...and just part and parcel of my addictive tendencies. The addiction part of me recognized I was almost through with him..... so it pushed me for one last kick to the head. Geezus!
A part of me likes to kick myself...a part of me craves toxicity and drama and misery and the pain, pleasure cycle...ah well, at least I didn't drink.
This too shall pass.....
Have you read "It's called a Break Up Because it's Broken?". There are some really great self deprecating belly laughs there. It's a worthy read.
Keep on keeping on. And huge congrats on your sobriety. I'm right there with ya sista.