yelp, i think when i was active and went through all of that, i wanted so desperately to figure out a way to get myself together if nothing more than to prove to my family that i could do it without there help. only thing, my situation kept getting worse and worse, so much so until i had no choice but to do things differently because my plans were just not working out the way i planned. seems like i just could not control my drug use, but it took me a while to figure that out.