(((((((((((Music))))))))))))) Yup, its hard to BS a BSer...thats for sure. lol
We have been there and done that
Hi ((((((((((EndOfRoadWife))))))))))))))
I would suggest that you get to Alanon meetings pronto. Because the truth is that there is nothing that you can do to get HIM sober, and there is nothing you can do to make HIM drink. First its not your job, and second....you are just not that powerful.
Take care of you and the children by attending Alanon meetings. These people at Alanon meetings are either right where you are at, or they have been where you are at right now and they have a solution.
This honestly isn't about HIM.... he is going to do whatever he is going to do... and it appears to me that he is doing exactly what I did when I wanted to drink, and I was full of self-pity, giving out all kinds of pretty words.... and when the pretty words didn't work, well then I would just simply get real ticked off....and use the ultimate excuse.......
"whats the use, they don't care about me" <---- don't buy it EndOfRoadWife.... cause this is the BS that we alcoholics use as an EXCUSE to continue to do what we wanted to do.........DRINK.
I have been on both sides of this one. I am an alcoholic in recovery...who got sober with AA meetings.... and at 2 years sober I realized that I was living with an active alcoholic...... and my AA sponsor at that time literally took me by the hand to an Alanon meeting. Thank God for her, and Alanon meetings
When I first began Alanon meetings I was so angry, here I got sober and now I have to go to Alanon for HIM! I soon learned that I was attending Alanon meetings for me, and not for him. I learned how to let go, and keep the focus on the only thing that I could do anything about... me and my own life....with or without the alcoholic in my life.
At Alanon meetings I was given the solution, the 12 Steps of Alanon. The Alanon members there had been right where I was at. I sat and I listened, and I learned another way. These wonderful people passed on to me the gift of sanity even under the most horrendous of times. I learned to detach with love, and to keep the focus on myself, my recovery, and how to live, really live one day at a time.
I learned that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I sure as heck can't control it. I also learned with time to take care of me and my children, to mind my own business, to not be manipulated, to find out who I am, and to trust my own gut..... and one of the most important things that I learned is to live my life one day at a time whether he got sober or not.
Allow him to OWN whats his. What is his? His alcohol problem, and all the craziness that goes with that... and what he chooses to do about it and when....if anything at all.
Own what is yours EndOfRoadWife.... what is yours? Learning to live and to make correct choices for you and your life. Learning to take care of you...no matter what. How to keep the focus on you, your children and your own life.... no matter what he chooses to do or not do.
No one at Alanon meetings ever told me what to do, how to do it, or when to do it. I learned who I am, and how to make decisions in my own life. Good decisions, healthy decisions..... because this really isn't about him or his alcoholism. Its about you, and learning to LIVE one day at a time.
Whether he gets sober or not, is his choice. Whether you and your children continue to suffer the consequences of his choices....... is YOUR choice.
Love to you and DO IT FOR YOU EndOfRoadWife
Patsy