I came here an emotional wreck. Slowly I had taken steps to protect myself by setting boundaries and sticking to them. This didn't/couldn't happen overnight.
Financially...I took his name off the house and had him sign over his share of the house to me. I made sure his money was directly deposited into my account to pay bills. (I know these two are not easy for most. I was lucky...AH didn't put up a fight.) Did not establish any joint accounts of any kind...bank, credit card or otherwise. I did not leave my purse, wallet or credit cards lying around. I didn't think he would take them but I have a "never say never" belief. I may know him but I don't know what the addiction side of him is capable of. I hid any jewelry that was worth anything, including his own gold jewelry. I hid my checkbooks. It was a sad state of affairs. We shouldn't have to hide these things from our spouse but it would be wise to hide them from the addict.
Emotionally....I went to face to face meetings and posted like mad here to build up my strength and to heal and detach from the chaos that addiction had brought to my life.
I started to instill small boundaries first. (ex. finish what you bought before you come home....no using in the house....) Of course, for an active addict they care very little about giving you the proper respect and adhereing to these boundaries. And since I always backed out of kicking him out....there was no reason for him to respect what I said. I knew I would have to work on that part of me first before I gave any more threats. So, slowly I would kick him out for the day...he would have to leave and finish his drug before he can come back home. Then, I worked my way into telling him he needs to leave and stay with his parents. (Sorry to all of the parents of addicts but I had to do it. But really I don't have the power to force him to go there...he could've went anywhere else he chose.) He would be out of the house a week at a time everytime he broke my boundaries. He'd come back home and it would be nice for a week and then back to the usual chaos. So, I worked my way into kicking him out for a month. A month now turned into a divorce because he most certainly wasn't getting well with me so he might as well not be doing well without me...this way atleast I don't have to suffer along with him.
I still speak with him and see him but I am no longer in the front row seat. Without the everyday stress of being face to face with his addiction I am now able to show him true compassion, understanding and be the kind of friend we always were to each other. Sure it's a one way street but I'm willing to accept that. I hold no expectations for him and his recovery. I still struggle with watching him destroy himself and his life but I suppose I will always struggle with it. I still love him so I haven't given up on him even though I've given up on our marriage. I always hope and pray for his recovery but that's up to him and his HP.