went to dinner w/ah & kids tnght .
Ah was discharged from rehab on Monday and is living with his mom & step dad about 1 1/2 hrs away . He is very concerned about not getting to see the kids often enough . Kind of ironic considering how often he saw them when he was drinking ... hardly ever ! So I agreed to meet him for dinner tonight . It actually went very well .
The few times that I spoke to him while he was in rehab he sounded the same way he did all the other times before , very determined , very remorseful , crying alot . He was that way tonight as well . He cried when he first saw the kids . I caught him staring at the baby (she will be 1 on Sat and he pretty much missed her whole life so far) a few times with tears in his eyes . The kids were thrilled to see him and our oldest cried a bit in the beginning and the end , we talked on the way home and they all said they miss him .
He left at about 7:10 to go to an 8:00 meeting and talked alot about all the people he has met including his sponsor . He also said he was looking forward to doing the steps this time since he had never done them before . So far things sound great but I know better than to jump in with two feet . I have hope for him and for his life , however I have to be sure he can stand on his own two feet in his sobriety before I can expect him to be part of our family again .
The one thing that is completely different about him is how he is no longer putting himself first . Forever things were always about him . He would complain to me that I would make the kids lunch for school but never make his lunch for work . This was so absurd to me that I would get myself so worked up every time he mentioned it (which was Mon - Fri!) . If I explained to him that our 5 yr old (at the time) couldnt make his own lunch , he would huff & puff and say things like 'its always about them isnt it' . It was like he was jealous of anyone else that got my attention . Now he is saying things like 'I dont think I should come around the house for a long time , I dont want to get the kids hopes up' or 'Maybe the kids can sleep at my moms on Friday nights with me and you can get a break' (That one really threw me) . It was almost like he was human .
Has anybody experienced this kind of change so soon after rehab or quitting ? Again , I'm not going to read into it too much but I would love to hear from recovering As (Taz .. Golfman .. socalgal .. laurie .. satit .. are you there? hee) Does the selfishness just melt away or should I expect it back and with a vengence ??
Does this question even make sense or have an answer ???