Don't feel like a fool. We've all been there. That is why the last time I threw my husband out (1-1/2 years ago now), I couldn't see him. I made the mistake of going to see him one day & he looked as bad as you described. And I came VERY close to letting him come home. But then 2 days later he called & I knew he'd been drinking & I remembered WHY I asked him to leave. He called me two months later...said he'd hit bottom....everything was gone....nobody cared....& I said, "If you get some help, we'll talk". Then I moved back to AZ, knowing that if I stayed there, I'd give in again. And I couldn't do it anymore.
1-1/2 years later....I still miss the man he WAS when he was clean & sober. In all this time he has NOT gotten clean & sober. He found an old gf who bought his crap & moved back in with her. And he has gone back to being the abusive, drunken crackhead he was when I left. He treats her worse than he treated me. He has been arrested 5 times. lost 3 jobs, moved 3 times & from what she says...cheats on her. The only difference is....she's still is willing to give him money to get him out of trouble, lets him drive her car until he loses it, believes him when he says..."I've reached my bottom...this time it will be different". All the things he said to me. But now she tells his family she's stuck....he threatens her if she asks him to leave, she knows he doesn't care about her at all, but doesn't quite know what to do. And, I guess somewhere along the line she realized that I was the woman he loved & even I couldn't change him.
So, point being, no matter what they say or do, no matter what we say or do....they won't change until THEY are ready. And do you want to put up with the pain & misery that he has caused because of his drug use? Even though I still love my ex....I know I couldn't live that way any longer.
Lynne