If she is deteremined, she will bail him out 50 times. A mothers instinct is to save her child who is in trouble. I may dive in to save my drowning son two times, I would dive in a third if he was sinking, a fourth and a fifth.
A spouse is a chosen relationship. A child is a gift from God. No mattere who they are or how they turn out, a mother always feels a tremendous responsibility toward how they turned out. The bond between a mother and child is an impossible relationship to explain. On this earth there is one relationship that is unconditional ususally and that is the love between a mother and her child.
I am a mother and What I do in that role is no one elses business.
This comment has nothing to do with you.
As a mother, frankly, I don't need anyone to tell me my boundaries with my child.
I might hate bailing him out, it may break my heart and I would pray on what to do, but odds are, I'd go bail him out. That's what mothers do.
When things ar so screwed up, we can't keep someone elses inventory. It really doesn't matter what she does or why.
You seem frustrated that she went and bailed him out for the third time.
In her mind she may be thinking, this is the thrid time he's been in trouble and you didn't bail him out, yet you are still on the scene too. Everyone is still in theri roles doing what they do.
His mother isn't in recovery. She thinks she's helping. When there is recurring trouble, people tend to blame the common denominators.
Let me preface this by saying that I don't agree with it, but....it seems that what both his mother and your mother are saying to you is, either stop complaining about their reactions or walk away. They don't know what to do but they don't want to be held anymore accountable than anyone else. They are both trying to do the right thing, even if it's wrong.
What if him and his mother were not a part of your life? If you step away from both of them and move on, would your life be less conflicted?
You say you have called the cops three times and she has bailed him out three times. I see a pattern here.
I don't mean to be harsh but this train needs to change tracks.