If you are not a Mother there is no way you can understand-no matter how much sufferring you may have seen or had in life. A child (grown or not) is the one thing you would give your life for-seriously!
Who cares what the Mothers say? They do what they do out of love--it shouldn't affect your recovery in any way.
Please be safe and call police if needed...it is a scary way to live--keep having him arrested if he keeps violating the courts orders. If he keeps it up--he will land in jail.
Good you have that panic button--they work great
Personally I let my son stay overnight in jail and then a few days---that is a lot different than a 2 year term-that I would have trouble with.