((((Rosied))))
I do understand.
I spent alot of time being at least two different people also...the one who knew what she needed to do, the one that wanted to do other things, and the one that just simply hurt.
I remember back in the thick of things when I couldn't break down in front of anyone, seeing me so upset just fueled their anger towards my son, and I was already angry enough for all. They meant well being protective but it just compounded my sadness.
But I needed moments to myself to just let go. I found that planned "moments" actually helped me to cleanse all that was building up. It was also the time that I felt closest to my HP, and tried so hard to hand over all the feelings.
Hang in there Rosied, we are not responsible for our kids actions, and they are not what they "do".
Prayers that things get better for all
((((hugs))))
Cece