rozied

My mom called me yesterday afternoon. They called the bank & he cashed a check for $1,200. My dad wants to have him arrested but my mom is carrying on again begging him not to. I told my dad to do it if he wants, that he is better off in jail than on the stret cuz at least he is safer in jail.
My sa called me last night and I did not let him have it as my hubby was laying right next to me in bed & when I go off on him I need to be alone if anyone uderstands that. Sometimes I fel like I am 2 separate people..............one is furious & the other is sooo in control of her emotions.....................I KNOW I must cut him loose but I have to pick the time to do it.
Can anyone here understand how I am feeling? Being alot of us our moms of these people & fellow codies I sure hope someone else feels like I do.
Thanks everyone for all the love & support,
Love,
Diane

Ann

The deed is done and out of your hands now, Rozied, so maybe today would be a good time to detach and just take very good care of you.

I try to remember the 3 C's when I feel involved or helpless...

Didn't Cause it
Can't Control it
Can't Cure it

Then I say a prayer and give the whole mess to God to sort out.

Hugs

dollydo

All you can do is hope your parents have finally learned their lesson, although, at their age I doubt it.

They grew up in a different time, and most cannot move forward from that mindset.

Make today a good day, for you.

teke

i do understand how you feel, and you've done what you know to do, like ann said, the deed is done and i pray that your parents are ready now to do whatever it is that they need to do to take care of themselves. this is not a reflection on you, and its not your fault. i will continue to pray that he finds his way soon and praying for the rest of you. time to focus on you.

mooselips

(((Rozied))))
Yep, I can sure empathize with you, I've been there, too.

I'm glad your hubby was next to you when he called, because, being angry, is stressful to your physical health, and heck, it just doesn't do any good to have a heated discussion with an addict. Think of yourself here.

It's out of your hands now, Rozied, let your parents decide what they want to do about it. Hopefully they won't be so "kind" next time he pops in to give them a sob story....
Maybe you could let them borrow your "Codependent No More" book?

Hugs to you,
prayers for your son,

cece1960

((((Rosied))))
I do understand.
I spent alot of time being at least two different people also...the one who knew what she needed to do, the one that wanted to do other things, and the one that just simply hurt.
I remember back in the thick of things when I couldn't break down in front of anyone, seeing me so upset just fueled their anger towards my son, and I was already angry enough for all. They meant well being protective but it just compounded my sadness.
But I needed moments to myself to just let go. I found that planned "moments" actually helped me to cleanse all that was building up. It was also the time that I felt closest to my HP, and tried so hard to hand over all the feelings.
Hang in there Rosied, we are not responsible for our kids actions, and they are not what they "do".
Prayers that things get better for all
((((hugs))))
Cece

rozied

Mucho Thank You's To All Of You!!!
CeCe, You seem to know exactely how I am feeling. Mr Rozied & My SS are sooooooo angry at my AS I think they could cheerfuly kill him. I am ready to kill him myself but don't need anyone else even Mr Rozied & my SS trying to tell me how to handle it. I need time to myself to think & sort things through. I know better than to make empty threats to my AS so whatever I do say to him I must then be abel to follow through with.
Right now I feel I do not want to see him or even talk to him. I want to tell him I am fed up & until he is clean & sober to forget he has a mother or a family.
I do not need to call him when he is wasted & be so afraid for him I want to either run there or call 911. I cannot be a part of his crazy world & his wistful thinking way he lives life..............like he said " When I cashed the check I figured I could put it bk before anyone found out "..............HOW!!! I wanted to scream at him. Before there can be any kind of relationship he must be clean & sober. He is hurting all the people I love & the money he scammed out of my parents could have been better used to help my SS pay some bills or my niece to pay her college tuition.
My parents have 4 grandchildren not one & my AS seems to forget that. He feels he is " special " & that he is the closest to them. I told him the other day if you love them so much why are you cheating them out of money. They pd his rent last month, then when he said he spent $200 of it they gave him 200 more then they gave him $1,200 for a new engine BUT that wasn't enough for him he had to steal1200 more!!! That is 3000 dollars in a couple of wks & everyone else in the family resents him for it.
Well today I need to spend on me. I need to sort all of this through.
Thanks everyone,
Hugh Hugs To You All,
Love,
Diane

Barbdee

Hi, Sweety, so glad to see you posting again but soooo sorry there is a "need" to post again. Sorry, I missed your first post, haven't been around much myself lately.
Glad to see you have been getting some good advice. Just wanted to add my hugs and prayers...
Love, Barb

bookmiser

(((((((Rozied))))))))

I, too, have been where your at. Being the mother bear and protecting her young against people one minute, then wanting to feed him to the lions, so I don't have to deal with it anymore, the next.
After a few years, and alot of heartache, I was able to put him out of my home, yes, but I still find myself getting into "his" thick of things, when I shouldn't.
I'm getting better at it, and so will you. Keep focusing on letting go, and know that it's out of your hands.
Sending prayers up to you, and your family today.
From one mom to another.

hope213

i hate it that happened to your parents.detach from the problem.i do understand how you feel.hugs & prayers,

rozied

Thanx Barb & Linda, He does not live in my house Thank God. When he got out of jail last Sept or Oct my hubby would not let him move in despite how much I begged him to give him a chance..........sorry to say my hubby was right. He did go to the Oxford House when he first got out by thanks to my parents who gave him a way out he did not stay there very long. He did call me last night as I already said but I did not want to go off on him with my hubby laying right next to me.......so I was civil. I tried to call him today as he missed an appointment yesterday at court & they said he must call ASAP I gues if he doesn't they might put out a bench warrant. It was to make arrangements to pay his court costs...................that makes me very angry anyway cuz yrs ago you never had to pay room & board when you were incarcerated. As my dad & hubby said who pays the bills for lifers???
I just tried to call my SA's cell phone to give him the message & I guess he either changed the number again or he didn't pay his bill as it was disconnected. Now I will worry till I hear from him. I always worry something has happened to him if I cannot get in touch with him.
Linda I am too tired of all of this to even want to talk to him unless he goes to an in patient rehab. Obviously since he moved bk to his old stomping grounds all he has done is to go downhill.
I was just speaking to my sister about this & she wants to call the police & have him arrested. I KNOW my mom would never do this & she might be furious at my sister for interfering but again I have no control over my sister. I would rather see my son in jail than dead from getting involved with the kind of people that sell drugs. All of this is making me sick.
Love,
Diane