Hi nolongerdrunk,
I know those guilties very well you are experiencing. I know the moment of horror you felt when you woke up thinking of partying with your students. I'm a high school teacher to and though it took me a tad longer to get it I see myself in you at that age. I hope that you won't wait as long as I did and find that the longer you continue to drink the more mornings like you had are to be experienced. It's not worth doing that to ourselves any longer. You never ever have to feel that bad again. People find their way to whatever resource they can when they know they're in trouble when they know something is amiss in their lives when they know the way we drink isn't normal. There is nothing to fear when taking that step, when making that committment and when deciding you never have to drink again if you so choose. We're the odd balls that drink the way we do, do the things we do when drunk and feel the way we feel when we wake up. You're right, you no longer have to be drunk and you'll find there is a great deal of support out there in learning how to do it and finally doing it. Now quit beating yourself up we have a tendency to awfulize to excess as well and the kids may talk but it's unlikely they have any further connections at school that could lead to anyone ever finding out. So you learned and will continue to learn and I hope you learn that it's okay to just toss in the towel and no longer let alcohol be a part of how you socialize. It's okay, there is always a horror story worse then yours and we simply can learn and begin to make better choices and be okay in being sober. Best of luck to you. You'll be okay. *hugs*