YOU ARE NOT BAD! NOR AM I
My name is Vic and I am an addict! Very grateful for the Program of NA which has shown me through working the steps that I am not bad but I sure am sick
You were talking about making a fool out of yourself, been there and done that and guess what even clean I have been known to make a fool out of myself also. NONE of us are bad or good! We just are. I think that most of us have checkered past. Am I less of a person because I was ashamed of having sex with my 18 year old secretary when I was 40? Well I was for many years! I never thought that I would do something like that. But actually I was so wrapped up into my addiction that I did things like that. But yet it is those things that got me to seek help, which you are doing also.
My natural instincts are to be a lier, cheat, and a thief. I don't know how to live life and never did although I though that I did. When I got to the rooms of NA and tried to look for the similarities instead of the differences I found out that I wasn't that different than the other people and guess what? Neither are you. I can almost guarantee you that I have done if not all or more of the things that You think is bad. Yes I was always ashamed, but I knew that my self-centerdness kept me from seeking help for many years.
My sponsor used to tell me that I was the corpse at every funeral and the bride at every wedding! I thought that is a bunch of ********, I am not that person however after working the steps I have come to realize that everything did have to be my way or the highway and I do like to think that I am the most important person and in all reality I might be. Why do I say that? Because if I am not the most important person on my list I can not help anyone else. Sure right now you are the most important person here.
I am glad that you are here. It is OK to feel bad! I wish that I could have felt bad before but I covered up my feelings for so so long that I didn't know what I was feeling or know when I was feeling them. The first feeling that I learned about was anger UGHHHH. Anyways again I will tell you that you are not bad.
With Love and Respect
Vic
Glad for spell check
