Hum welcome to SR and we are glad that you are here. No one here can say that you are a alcoholic or not. That is not our place. The admission must come from within yourself that is the first step of recovery.
Most of us didn't just drive down the street and had a thought "HUM I might be a alcoholic" I don't think that "Normal" people even think if they are or not. So I know that when I was driving down that street I got to NA/AA I wasn't thrilled to be there. I didn't get here on my best day.
I went to meetings and they suggested that I do 90 meetings in 90 days, I was willing to do anything this last time. They suggested that I get a Sponsor, to read the literature, to work the steps! I said to myself "What a order, I can't go through with it!" However I have been able to get through it for almost the last 11 months.
There they told me that no we are not bad people, we are sick people! WOW, now these people are telling me that I am sick! WTF is that all about. And you know what they were right, I wasn't any different than those people and today I am glad that I am proud to be one of those people for now I have found one of my purposes in life. One of them is to let you know that Just For Today YOU never have to use again. Might be hard to understand now but I will garantee you that NA has one promise and that is freedom from active addiction. I am living proof as many here that this Promise is true.
Please don't beat yourself up and before I close if no one has told you that they Love you today, please allow me to be the first I LOVE YOU
With Love and Respect
Vic