Lost Child,
I can so relate to what you're saying.
By the time I knew I had to stop drinking I had damaged my spirit, my health and my relationships. With that burden weighing upon it, it became almost impossible for me to stop drinking because I just couldn't bear to face my life. The only thing to do is to take a step out of the cycle. You have come here and you see lots of support and lots of courageous people. Take a step and make a change and it will get you moving forward on this road.