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Vicious circle may trigger

Old 04-19-2007, 06:45 AM
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Unhappy Vicious circle may trigger

I know why I started drinking, but now I want to stop and trying to stop i'm scared about the damage I've already done and If I can do it alone with all the feelings that running around inside of me. i'm physically, mental and emotionally a wreck. This is the cycle that I can't seem to break, that I can't seem to move on from, I'm not sure if this is the right place for me to post and I'm sorry if its the wrong place. Now I've found this site, I see so much courage and strength, and I feel I've fallen at the first hurdle. Sorry

I was put on this earth to be ab*sed
now my jobs down, I feel excused.
Life wasn't ever fun
but now its complete I feel done.

I walk around everyday, feeling insane
feeling out of it, the feelins I can't contain
I try to pretend that I will be fine
but I admit I'm at the end of the line

I'm drinking more each day
hoping the pain will go away
but when I wake and its all still there
I start again and try to repair.

the vicious circle I've got myself in
I can't get out, i'm stuck within
the feelings get deeper, the pain gets worse
but still I head for the bottle and try to reverse

now I've become addicted to pills
knowing that all it does is kills
kills the pain, the dirt within
all because of my original sin.

I'm waiting for the day it will end
knowing that i won't ever mend
I don't want to die
or say goodbye

But I've lost control
and need to rest my soul
where this begin I don't know
but now its about to end I feel so low.
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Old 04-19-2007, 06:53 AM
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Originally Posted by lost_child View Post

I'm waiting for the day it will end
knowing that i won't ever mend
I don't want to die
or say goodbye

Hello Lost Child,

Welcome! Mending is relative. I hope you can start today.
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Old 04-19-2007, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by lost_child View Post
I'm drinking more each day
hoping the pain will go away
but when I wake and its all still there
I start again and try to repair.
Wow, I can relate to that.

Hi Lost Child and welcome to SR! There are some wonderful people here with a lot of support and love to give...just keep coming back and posting.

So many of us here will be able to relate to the cycle you're referring to and you're right ~ it IS vicious. But, IMO, the very fact that you've recognised a cycle here means that you CAN break it...but how're you gonna do it? My advice to you would be to go and see your Dr first and foremost...be honest with him/her. Maybe seek out a local AA meeting to attend? I can't shed that much light on the AA approach I'm afraid, as my first meeting is tonight but I see so much strength and hope in those here who have been/are attending meetings. When I came here, I found myself much like how you're feeling now ~ "stuck" ~ but you're honestly not alone anymore. This site is a great start in the right direction, and wonderful help/support can be found here. After so long of trying to quit on my own, I've come to realise that I can't do that ~ as much as I may have wanted to in the past. And y'know, it's OKAY to need help.

My love and best wishes to you,
-Hazel
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Old 04-19-2007, 08:00 AM
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Welcome to SR lost child, the only way to break that cycle is action!

If you change nothing, nothing changes.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.

That is the very first step, without knowing that to the depths of our very beings we can not even begin to battle the Beast I call alcoholism.

2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

If we really know we are powerless over alcohol, then we need to beleive that it will take a power greater then our selfs to restore our sanity. In step one we admitted we alone are powerless over the beast, if we are ever to get and stay sober, we need to beleive a power greater then our selfs can help us. This power can be as simple as the help of other alcoholics who have stopped drinking.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Okay if one has really got a beleif in steps 1 & 2, then obviously we need to listen to that Higher Power (God) as we understand him, we need to make a decision to do our best to turn our will & lifes over to this Higher Power, because if we are not willing to listen to him and do what he suggest we do then we will not be able to stop drinking.

Step 3 is a big sticker for many because so many people think that it means that you do nothing unless your HP directs/suggests you do it. That is not true, all it means is as you do things you keep your Higher Power in mind at all times and when a decision is to be made listen to him and follow his guidance.

This does not mean that you have to always follow his guidance, we are but mere human beings and there are going to be times we know what is right to do next, but we choose to ignore his guidance.

If we fail to follow his guidance does it mean we are going to drink? Yes and no.... it all depends upon what you are choosing to ignore and whether or not you keep ignoring it.

After I went through the first 3 steps above from that point forward it is all action on my part. Very long and deep subject that in reality is very simple but some how I and many others seem to make it sound complex and damn near impossible when that is the furthest thing from the truth.

For me there was a solution to my 40 years of drinking, I found it in AA.

There are other programs, but AA nor any of them will work if you do not follow the suggestions of the program.
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:03 AM
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Originally Posted by lost_child View Post
I'm physically, mental and emotionally a wreck.
It is so painful to see how much damage this disease imposes to our lives. To see nice, clever people becoming "wrecks" (I am one of them) is mind boggling and it hurts. In between us and life is that one, that single, one, first glass of this unspeakable poison. Stronger than compassion would be a message - you also have a weapons / tools to fight. This disease shall be put into the quarantine called abstinence / sobriety and kept there by fighting it off with every breathe you take.

Good luck! So many great people here managed to stop so shall you. Imagine to be like Taz, posting about your seventh months of sobriety!!! And smile, seeing yourself sober and happy. I really feel for you lost_child... you I certainly hope you will feel much better soon...
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:14 AM
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Lost Child,

I can so relate to what you're saying.

By the time I knew I had to stop drinking I had damaged my spirit, my health and my relationships. With that burden weighing upon it, it became almost impossible for me to stop drinking because I just couldn't bear to face my life. The only thing to do is to take a step out of the cycle. You have come here and you see lots of support and lots of courageous people. Take a step and make a change and it will get you moving forward on this road.
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:46 AM
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I was a wreck when I got here. I felt hopeless. I tried to die but couldn't. I didn't believe I could get better.
I couldn't begin to tell you how wrong I was.
Keep posting, lost, and share some more with us. You are no longer alone.

Rowan
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Old 04-19-2007, 09:52 AM
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Hi Lost -

Welcome to SR. You are not alone, and you have NOT fallen at the first hurdle. You are here, you are asking questions, you are asking for support, and you realize that you have to make a change. You are also in the same place mentally and physically that sooo many of us were when we first came here.

Keep reading, keep posting, and see your doctor. S/he can and will help you come up with a plan -

TinLizzy
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Old 04-19-2007, 10:13 AM
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i just want you to know i'm thinking about you today, lost. keep talking, we're listening. blessings, k
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Old 04-19-2007, 12:13 PM
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I tried to die and I failed.
and yes, have also been jailed.
Now I am sober happy and free.
Come join me.
and all of us here.
Ted
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Old 04-19-2007, 04:33 PM
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hey, i like the poem
i write recovery poetry
there is a site
http://allpoetry.com/fraankie
check it out
sign up
it's a treat



best
fraankie
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