Originally Posted by
lost_child 
I'm drinking more each day
hoping the pain will go away
but when I wake and its all still there
I start again and try to repair.
Wow, I can relate to that.
Hi Lost Child and welcome to SR! There are some wonderful people here with a lot of support and love to give...just keep coming back and posting.
So many of us here will be able to relate to the cycle you're referring to and you're right ~ it IS vicious. But, IMO, the very fact that you've recognised a cycle here means that you CAN break it...but how're you gonna do it? My advice to you would be to go and see your Dr first and foremost...be honest with him/her. Maybe seek out a local AA meeting to attend? I can't shed that much light on the AA approach I'm afraid, as my first meeting is tonight but I see so much strength and hope in those here who have been/are attending meetings. When I came here, I found myself much like how you're feeling now ~ "stuck" ~ but you're honestly not alone anymore. This site is a great start in the right direction, and wonderful help/support can be found here. After so long of trying to quit on my own, I've come to realise that I can't do that ~ as much as I may have wanted to in the past. And y'know, it's OKAY to need help.
My love and best wishes to you,
-Hazel