thiskidknows

I know why I started drinking, but now I want to stop and trying to stop i'm scared about the damage I've already done and If I can do it alone with all the feelings that running around inside of me. i'm physically, mental and emotionally a wreck. This is the cycle that I can't seem to break, that I can't seem to move on from, I'm not sure if this is the right place for me to post and I'm sorry if its the wrong place. Now I've found this site, I see so much courage and strength, and I feel I've fallen at the first hurdle. Sorry

I was put on this earth to be ab*sed
now my jobs down, I feel excused.
Life wasn't ever fun
but now its complete I feel done.

I walk around everyday, feeling insane
feeling out of it, the feelins I can't contain
I try to pretend that I will be fine
but I admit I'm at the end of the line

I'm drinking more each day
hoping the pain will go away
but when I wake and its all still there
I start again and try to repair.

the vicious circle I've got myself in
I can't get out, i'm stuck within
the feelings get deeper, the pain gets worse
but still I head for the bottle and try to reverse

now I've become addicted to pills
knowing that all it does is kills
kills the pain, the dirt within
all because of my original sin.

I'm waiting for the day it will end
knowing that i won't ever mend
I don't want to die
or say goodbye

But I've lost control
and need to rest my soul
where this begin I don't know
but now its about to end I feel so low.