Originally Posted by
prodigal 
Tell you what I did the first year I left my exAH. I ranted at him while I drove my car. I had one-sided discussions (I won, of course!). I made my points with him. I had snappy comebacks. I could yell at him without fear of being hit. So what did I have? I was stuck. I was stuck in anger about what my exAH had done to me. I was stuck in fear that I would die alone. I was actually having a nervous breakdown over this entire mess. I was really cracking up, big-time. WHERE THE HECK WAS GOD??? WHY WAS HE LETTING ME CONTINUE TO HURT SO BADLY???
wow, does that sound familiar!
letting go and forgiving is something that's also very difficult for me right now. at this point, i really can't see myself forgiving my ex for anything she's done and continues to do to me, thinking i'm too stupid to realize. i'd like to think that somewhere down the line, i'll let go of the anger, but i just can't say that for sure at the point i am. i've forgiven a lot, i forgive things that she did to me while drinking, but the fact is, i was still lied to and betrayed while she wasn't drinking, and i have a hard time forgiving that. she knew what she was doing and she still continues to do it, without thinking about me or anyone else it effects. some things aren't forgivable... at least in my opinion. but i'd love to learn how at some point down the road. the anger i feel isn't getting me anywhere.